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has anyone ever said to you "i'm not going anywhere"?

it's a wonderful feeling, to know that no matter how much bullshit that you have caused that person, and that when you think you have put the nail in the coffin and driven the person away, they are still standing right next to you assuring you that they aren't going anywhere.

thank you gary for loving me, flaws and all, i don't know how you put up with me.. maybe you feel the same about yourself. lol

the insides

i can't seem to get rid of this feeling, it's been like this for some time now... about 2 months... maybe less. time doesn't help. things are SOMEWHAT back to normal, but i still feel this horrible feeling, that i don't want, i don't want to always second guess shit, i don't want to feel like shit ain't right, cuz it is, everything is ok, im ver happy, so why do i feel like.... something bad is gonna happen, im in constant preparation for the bad things. in a not normal way. i don't know how else to explain this feeling. it's a form of anxiety, even if i am ASSURED that everything is ok...... i still feel like something is wrong. i might be just fuckin crazy, i can't seem to settle myself, ok maybe im not supposed to, but i can't stand this on edge shit anymore, it's eating away at ME. who the fuck AM I anymore.

i can't even move a little forward to do other shit for fear that THAT in itself will fuck things up. what am i gonna do. i need some like.... help

My Mother

i love my mother. for right now im kinda all she has. for those who don't know ..... ok i fave like NO friends on here, but for those who don't know. my sister who is 30 been moved to LI and she don't come here often. she doesn't even come here sparadically. it's less than an when you get your annual car inspection. ok we get it. so i have to put up with all my mother's shinanigans. for the most part she is just too cute. but there are times where id like to fell off the face of the earth because of her.

lately, if ya haven't noticed... i've had an anxiety problem. something to trite sets me off sometimes. im learning to tame it i really am. i have to have faith. but just like im all my mother got.... most oof the time she;s all i got. i don't have a whole bunch of gurl friends. even if i had ONE, i couldn't call her up (ok well only clare) and tell her im having an anxiety attack. i think clare is the only one who knows everything that has gone on between me and gary. she really believes in us and yes that gives me hope. but guess what she's all the way in the UK... so i have to call my mother and cry. cuz she mostly know what;s going on. i can't call up someone that i got to re-explain shit to so it's no offense to anyone who might read this (courntey) that i have spoken to. it's hard to explain. and why i keep this from certain people i guess it's a judgement thing. im afraid certain people will judge me. i don't want judgement i want your shoulder. so that's why we don't know certain things. yes back on track,,,, i think i transferred the anxiety TO my mother because NOW she is jumpin the gun all over the place. askin me things about gary's whereabouts that i am TRYING to stop asking. so in turn she's giving ME more stress. because now i have to explain shit to her, becuse i want her involved in my life to a certain point but then she always crosses the line. i know she doesnt mean to. but when she asks questions that I don't even know the answer to. it's frustrating. very. and maybe i just need to chill. maybe im taking life too seriously. but then again if i didn't then i wouldn't be me, i wouldn't be th real bitch that i really am.

yeah so... i really don't know what to do about my mother. i just need to get awayi need a major time out.

Crazy Love

i really don't know why i am continuing to do this to myself. my hair is falling out, im constantly holding my breath afraid that my past with come to haunt me or he will leave me. he shows no signs of this. he's being true as ever, it could be that i know he's a player, or was a player, once a player always a player???? i feel that he loves me so much, he is the most natural thing to me in my life, i'll never let him go. i'll never stray, this is just so.... good. even if the flame dies down one day, i can deal with that. i just need this man by myside. i need him. i can't breath without him... i can't even breath when my mind fucks with my heart. when my head is playing tricks on me. i can't even breath when there is a slight threat of him to leave. i can harldy breath when he doesn't answer the phone.

i'm crazy this is for sure. the las thing i wanna do is make him uncomfortable, but i need to relax myself, lately that;s been less of an accomplishment. i don't know why i can't relax. it's like im possessed. Fallon told me it was the Devil. i fuckin believe her. so for that reason alone i will continue to be his angel. i will continue to be a real woman to my real man. i will continue to let him love me. i will continue to move and grow with him. i feel we are a good team. and i don't want to slack off in this area of my life. i am on an emotional rollercoaster, i must be at peace with myself and soon. maybe my greatest fear is that i will lose the love of my life, which is him. i want to grow old with him. i already am gettin old. and i can only support his every move. his every intention. because he knows what he's got to do. and i can take motivation from that. i feel inspiration. i've got to do what i got to do too. and i never would have thought i wanted what i want now if i wasn't with him. i want it for me and him. i have to share my life with him. i belong to him and he deserves it, he deserves unconditional loving. i realize now. just as im typing, that, i need to remember the reason i started with him. the reason that he distrated my every attention. my attention is UNDIVIDED now. i can't believe i almost forgot why i fell in love with him. we were meant to be, there is a major reason why we met at this very moment in time. because we both desire love, real love and i have so so so so much to give him and he gove me too much to comprehend at times. maybe that's where my anxiety lies. the fact that i have SO MUCH to give him, i feel.... a RUSH if you will, a spinning in my heart. he does make my heart spin. i feel everything. i'm supposed to feel like this, this is natural, this is real crazy ass love. this is it folks. Love real love is... the epitome of all senses, all nerve endings. if someone can MAKE you feel EVERY EMOTION, even all at once. that is love, that is an impact. you can't leave that impressionon the world you have to leave it on ONCE person. i pray to god that i have left the same on him.... has to be he fuckin STALKED ME, he would fuckin take a charge for me, and i would too. gladly, just as long as he is alright. i feel him in my gut, i feel him in my SOUL, i feel him in my toes in my nose, i feel him all over me. he's always there. always with me even when he's gone. it's a wonderful and horrible feeling, i never knew someone could make you feel sick, like you BOUT TO DIE and that makes the love between you stronger. i don't get it.

when i look in his eyes. i see all the emotion and meaning. i think i am so traumatized by a blank stare, someone who was so afraid to actually love me to actually give his heart to me. this is also where my anxiety lies, becuase i am so afraid of someone saying they love me and not meaning it. saying that they are gonna be there and are NEVER There... this is so dramatically different. what else can i say here. i just wanna float in it i was floating, i have to relax, let it take me where it will

Love is Crazy

someone once told me that if you really love someone, and they love you, there is nothing in this world that will ever tear you apart. i know that not every day is gonna be a picnic. this i know... that i can eal with... but not being able to breath.... cuz i don't know where you are or what you are doin, i don't know why my mind goes into all these dark corners, why must i think the worst.... maybe because i really don't wanna lose you... that's my worst fear is losing you. you are literally everything to me. i devote everything to you baby and theres so much more that i wanna do. maybe i can't breath because i been sharin every breath with you. i hope i haven't over done it. im sorry if i have.. i just have so much love in me. it hurts not to be able to give it to you. and when i can maybe i over do it. im sorry.. im so sorry that i just wanna give you all my love.

and love is makin me go crazy... thinkin that there was something i said or did that was wrong i wish i knew. but if i knew would something else happen. why aren't you here.... are you fuckin with my head or hers.

the baby momma

............

March 14th
harlemhustler91 (9:16:58 PM): give me the number to the house
jadabug961 (9:37:41 PM): I don't no it
jadabug961 (9:37:58 PM): call my cell
jadabug961 (9:38:03 PM): for the kids
harlemhustler91 (9:38:07 PM): you dont know the house number?
jadabug961 (9:38:25 PM): no, comes up on caller ID that's how everybidy has it
harlemhustler91 (9:40:31 PM): ok
jadabug961 (9:40:36 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (9:41:44 PM): bye
jadabug961 (9:41:50 PM): peace
jadabug961 (9:41:54 PM): bye
harlemhustler91 (9:45:01 PM): whats your cell?
jadabug961 (9:45:15 PM): -732-986-6143
harlemhustler91 (9:45:23 PM): is bug home?
jadabug961 (9:45:28 PM): outside palying
jadabug961 (9:45:33 PM): call in about 1 hour
harlemhustler91 (9:45:46 PM): rite
jadabug961 (9:46:28 PM): she is I told you I would not put the kids in the middle, this is between you and me and not them...she is outside with the kids
harlemhustler91 (9:46:49 PM): ok
jadabug961 (9:46:56 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (9:49:03 PM): i miss you Hope.i gotta go,ill talk to the kids later
jadabug961 (9:49:24 PM): ok..talk to you later

March 15th
jadabug961 (7:52:39 PM): your mail came, you failed the testlet me no when your gonna pick up the paper, I won't be around busy with work and stuff and have things to do on the weekend, so if you want me to drop it with your mom or something let me no
harlemhustler91 (10:08:26 PM): damn ok just hold on to it
harlemhustler91 (10:09:43 PM): so you wont be around on thw weekend?where will the kids be sleeping?
harlemhustler91 (10:11:19 PM): We are going to the play this weekend
harlemhustler91 (10:12:38 PM): I don't no where we will be, call before you come
harlemhustler91 (10:12:49 PM): I am working too
harlemhustler91 (10:44:49 PM): well i was thinking about going to see them tomorrow since they wont be around this weekend
harlemhustler91 (10:48:45 PM): I am working, my mother will be here with them after school
harlemhustler91 (10:58:29 PM): what time you get off?
jadabug961 (10:58:43 PM): 12
jadabug961 (10:58:51 PM): 12:00am
harlemhustler91 (10:59:23 PM): i want to spend time with you
harlemhustler91 (10:59:28 PM): :(
jadabug961 (11:00:13 PM): why, cause it's convient for you? whatever
harlemhustler91 (11:00:36 PM): no cuz i miss you
jadabug961 (11:01:24 PM): you didn't miss me all those other days that you were gone
harlemhustler91 (11:01:46 PM): i understand if you dont want to
jadabug961 (11:01:58 PM): Jada said hi
harlemhustler91 (11:02:24 PM): tell her i said hi and i love them
jadabug961 (11:02:31 PM): I did
harlemhustler91 (11:03:53 PM): well when ever you have time for me let me know :(
jadabug961 (11:03:59 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (11:04:55 PM): damn baby why u being so cold with me?
jadabug961 (11:05:23 PM): because of everything you have done, it's not that easy to forget
harlemhustler91 (11:06:15 PM): is this what you really want?
jadabug961 (11:07:13 PM): yeah?
harlemhustler91 (11:07:33 PM): is this what you really want?
jadabug961 (11:08:16 PM): right now yes, I can't deal with you having another baby that you have to visit and everything else...you will always be with her, regardless of what I say
harlemhustler91 (11:08:38 PM): im not with her baby
harlemhustler91 (11:08:53 PM): i stopped seeing her a while now
jadabug961 (11:08:54 PM): for the moment, but your with Jaci
harlemhustler91 (11:09:06 PM): im not with jaci
harlemhustler91 (11:09:33 PM): i want to be with you,but u pushing me away
jadabug961 (11:09:52 PM): I just can't forgive you for all the shit right noe
harlemhustler91 (11:10:26 PM): is there someone else?be honest with me
jadabug961 (11:10:31 PM): no
harlemhustler91 (11:11:07 PM): i dont want this
jadabug961 (11:11:26 PM): well when I wanted you here and work this out you wanted no part
jadabug961 (11:11:33 PM): so what's the difference now
harlemhustler91 (11:12:09 PM): you never gave me the chance,baby you never let me live it down
harlemhustler91 (11:12:27 PM): i know i messed up,this aint what i want
jadabug961 (11:12:46 PM): I gave you a year, more then enough time to get it right, and you still continued
harlemhustler91 (11:17:44 PM): i will stop trying then
harlemhustler91 (11:18:59 PM): i see that you dont even want to be botherd
harlemhustler91 (11:19:56 PM): i am ready to do what ever it is that you want of me
harlemhustler91 (11:20:10 PM): the ball is in your court now
harlemhustler91 (11:20:32 PM): its probrably to late now
harlemhustler91 (11:20:43 PM): :(
harlemhustler91 (11:21:10 PM): u dont want to talk to me?
harlemhustler91 (11:21:58 PM): hope?
harlemhustler91 (11:24:54 PM): baby?
harlemhustler91 (11:27:17 PM): i dony want this baby,i feel empty without you.
harlemhustler91 (11:27:37 PM): im not lieng
harlemhustler91 (11:31:50 PM): why wont you answer me back?
jadabug961 (11:35:19 PM): I was downstairs
jadabug961 (11:35:33 PM): I felt empty for a year and you didn't care
jadabug961 (11:36:09 PM): I wanted this to work, you where the one who didn't give a fuck
jadabug961 (11:36:29 PM): I am so tired of the drama, if it aint one bitch it's another
jadabug961 (11:38:30 PM): I cried, begged and pleaded and you still did the shit, it's not like you got her pregnant a year ago, this only happened 5 months ago
harlemhustler91 (11:39:14 PM): i dont know what else i can do to prove that i want us to be together
jadabug961 (11:39:18 PM): I just bring myself to go back into a situation where I am going to be miserable
harlemhustler91 (11:39:38 PM): i understand
jadabug961 (11:39:46 PM): you will never feel the pain that I still feel to this day
harlemhustler91 (11:40:06 PM): tell me its over baby,and i will leave you alone
jadabug961 (11:40:15 PM): and will always feel, I gave you ten years of all of me and in turn you slapped me in the face
harlemhustler91 (11:40:55 PM): i need you to tell me
jadabug961 (11:41:30 PM): it is for now, until you get your self situated and if in that time you meet yet again someone else then I will understand
harlemhustler91 (11:42:16 PM): situated how?
harlemhustler91 (11:44:08 PM): hello?
jadabug961 (11:44:43 PM): figure out what you really want in life, with me, with yourself, with your kids, you no it's not only me going through this bullshit, the kids are too, they love you they want there parents to be together, but us arguing and you putting my hands on me is not something I am willing to continue to let them see, I saw that shit growing up and look at the shit I got myself into, my mother always forgave my dad and I took after her, I would kill a man if he ever did some shit like this to Jada, and I would kick the boys asses if they ever did this to someone they say they love
harlemhustler91 (11:46:02 PM): i wont bother you again
harlemhustler91 (11:46:07 PM): im sorry
jadabug961 (11:46:18 PM): I'm sorry to
jadabug961 (11:46:49 PM): sorry that things will never be the same, all because I worked alot
harlemhustler91 (11:47:45 PM): i love you
jadabug961 (11:47:53 PM): I will always love you too
harlemhustler91 (11:48:41 PM): why cant we just forgrt aabout everything and be together?
jadabug961 (11:49:16 PM): there is no forgeting you are having a baby. Her and the baby will be a part of your life forever
jadabug961 (11:49:35 PM): another one at that
harlemhustler91 (11:50:13 PM): then why did you tell me that we could work it out then,if you were gonna change your mind?
jadabug961 (11:50:16 PM): everytime you walk out that door I will have to wonder for the rest of my life
jadabug961 (11:51:17 PM): because I would like to try eventually, but not right now, I need time to try and get over this, maybe I need counseling I don't no, but you have truly hurt me
harlemhustler91 (11:51:39 PM): why cant we go together
jadabug961 (11:52:08 PM): we can, only if you are serious, but I am not promising anything
jadabug961 (11:52:20 PM): I jsut can't let my guard down
harlemhustler91 (11:52:38 PM): he must be good to you for you to loose love for me
jadabug961 (11:53:05 PM): I am not with anybody, I didn't lose love for you, I just got tired of everything
harlemhustler91 (11:53:51 PM): im sorry baby i cant take this
harlemhustler91 (11:53:58 PM): i goota go
harlemhustler91 (11:54:04 PM): :(
jadabug961 (11:54:05 PM): the fighting, the crying, always wondering where you are, what bitch you are with and not even to mention I can't even work with a peace of mind, worried about witch biitch your with
harlemhustler91 (11:54:39 PM): I told you I will always love you, but I can't do this again at this moment in time

March 16th
harlemhustler91 (3:03:58 PM): morning
jadabug961 (3:04:06 PM): morning
harlemhustler91 (3:04:53 PM): u went to work?
jadabug961 (3:05:01 PM): no this afternoon
harlemhustler91 (3:05:35 PM): did you go lastnight?
jadabug961 (3:05:43 PM): no, I was home
harlemhustler91 (3:06:23 PM): then why did you tell me the kids were going to be with you mother?
jadabug961 (3:06:44 PM): today they will be
jadabug961 (3:06:48 PM): not yesterday
harlemhustler91 (3:07:05 PM): oh
harlemhustler91 (3:07:36 PM): how much did i fail the test by?
jadabug961 (3:07:53 PM): I don't no, I have to look at the paper
jadabug961 (3:08:58 PM): just got into an argument with Jut's teachers I have a banging headache, Jada was being a bitch this morning
harlemhustler91 (3:09:27 PM): what happened?
jadabug961 (3:10:32 PM): they wouldn't let me in because it was 8:27 and not 8:30, so I had to leave, take Jada to school, then go back and by this time I had enough so I had to tell them about themselves, and I called the main office to try and switch Jut out of there
harlemhustler91 (3:11:19 PM): damn
jadabug961 (3:11:36 PM): pretty much I feel bad for whoever crosses my path today
harlemhustler91 (3:11:53 PM): :D
jadabug961 (3:12:08 PM): I have an appointment for Jada and Justice for counseling, they are out of control
jadabug961 (3:12:15 PM): and there taking me with them
harlemhustler91 (3:12:42 PM): oh ic they are protesting
jadabug961 (3:13:26 PM): no, not really, just being badasses, I guess this is the way Jada has always been and I am finally realizing what a true pain in the ass she really is
jadabug961 (3:13:53 PM): we argued from clothes, to homework, to what time it was today
jadabug961 (3:14:11 PM): she got up at 7:00 and was on barbie this morning
jadabug961 (3:14:36 PM): then she goes in the drier three times and all three times she left the clothes all over the floor, then she smacked Jut in the face
jadabug961 (3:15:41 PM): then Jo-Jo falls outside and splits his lip open, so I had to run in the house and clean it, long story short today is not my day and it's only 10:00
harlemhustler91 (3:16:24 PM): i hope it goes smooth for you today
jadabug961 (3:16:38 PM): me too, I am outta here in a little bit anyway
harlemhustler91 (3:16:48 PM): where?
jadabug961 (3:16:51 PM): to work
jadabug961 (3:16:59 PM): have to work 3-11 today
harlemhustler91 (3:17:07 PM): oh
jadabug961 (3:17:32 PM): your mother called me this moring about a short hand book
jadabug961 (3:17:38 PM): where to get one
harlemhustler91 (3:17:55 PM): lol
harlemhustler91 (3:18:12 PM): the damn store
jadabug961 (3:18:24 PM): yeah, that's what I said
jadabug961 (3:18:30 PM): she wanted to no which ones
harlemhustler91 (3:18:36 PM): oh
jadabug961 (3:19:11 PM): I have to run to Sam's Club before work, so I am leaving around 1:00
jadabug961 (3:19:32 PM): sam and arrianna will be here for the weekend too
harlemhustler91 (3:19:51 PM): with you?
jadabug961 (3:19:55 PM): yeah
jadabug961 (3:20:01 PM): we have that play to go to
harlemhustler91 (3:20:08 PM): oh yeah
jadabug961 (3:20:16 PM): on SUnday, so I told Laura I would take them Saturday
jadabug961 (3:20:23 PM): since she took the kids last week
harlemhustler91 (3:20:39 PM): thats great
jadabug961 (3:21:04 PM): it certainly is they will be outta my hair, playing with Sam and Arianna
harlemhustler91 (3:21:31 PM): thats what you think
harlemhustler91 (3:21:39 PM): \;)
jadabug961 (3:21:48 PM): well that's what I am hoping
jadabug961 (3:22:09 PM): I hope it's nice out so they can play outside
harlemhustler91 (3:22:25 PM): i heard something about snow
jadabug961 (3:22:31 PM): yeah on Friday
harlemhustler91 (3:22:34 PM): i dont know when though
harlemhustler91 (3:22:37 PM): oh
jadabug961 (3:22:58 PM): Hey they made a movie about you
jadabug961 (3:23:06 PM): did you see it on HBO the other night?
harlemhustler91 (3:23:19 PM): i dont have a tv
jadabug961 (3:23:33 PM): then how did you watch Soprano's?
jadabug961 (3:23:46 PM): wait you have a computer and no tv, stop bullshitting
harlemhustler91 (3:23:59 PM): i watched it at this pizzarria
harlemhustler91 (3:24:25 PM): there is a tv here but it aint mine
harlemhustler91 (3:24:36 PM): they dont watch that stuff
jadabug961 (3:25:22 PM): Well anyway it si called Big Love, this guy has three chicks and has kids with all of them and they all have there own house and they schedule together what night he stays where...lol
harlemhustler91 (3:25:53 PM): oh
harlemhustler91 (3:26:06 PM): and how is that a movie about me?
jadabug961 (3:26:30 PM): hello, chicks all no about each other and they don't care,..hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllo
jadabug961 (3:26:57 PM): they just share and share alike
harlemhustler91 (3:27:05 PM): oh
harlemhustler91 (3:27:23 PM): sounds like a good movie
jadabug961 (3:27:47 PM): pretty stupid but it makes me laugh so what the hell
harlemhustler91 (3:27:57 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (3:29:31 PM): my body is burning up
jadabug961 (3:29:40 PM): hot in there?
harlemhustler91 (3:29:48 PM): working out in the basement
harlemhustler91 (3:29:51 PM): all week
jadabug961 (3:29:56 PM): very good
harlemhustler91 (3:30:04 PM): its burning
jadabug961 (3:30:26 PM): that means your getting a good workout
harlemhustler91 (3:30:42 PM): it sure doesnt feel that way
jadabug961 (3:30:53 PM): hey no pain no gain
harlemhustler91 (3:31:03 PM): hhmmmmm
jadabug961 (3:31:12 PM): what?
harlemhustler91 (3:31:15 PM): lol
jadabug961 (3:31:44 PM): I smoked a whole damn pack of ciggarettes this morning
jadabug961 (3:31:49 PM): my head is killing me
harlemhustler91 (3:32:04 PM): stop smoking
harlemhustler91 (3:32:06 PM): i did
jadabug961 (3:32:43 PM): glad you did, I have no intentions on stopping, without that I would really go fucking crazy
harlemhustler91 (3:33:06 PM): ok
jadabug961 (3:33:38 PM): let me go put dinner in the oven so my mother doesn't have to cook for them
harlemhustler91 (3:33:58 PM): ok take care sexy
jadabug961 (3:34:13 PM): I no I am, talk to you later.....lol
harlemhustler91 (3:34:22 PM): :-O
harlemhustler91 (3:34:26 PM): whatever
jadabug961 (3:34:32 PM): whatever
harlemhustler91 (3:34:34 PM): >:P
jadabug961 (3:34:41 PM): O:-)
harlemhustler91 (3:34:50 PM): yeah right
jadabug961 (3:35:01 PM): I no
harlemhustler91 (3:35:17 PM): ttyl :-*
jadabug961 (3:35:26 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (3:35:45 PM): hey!!! X-(
jadabug961 (3:35:59 PM): right back at you >:)
harlemhustler91 (3:36:11 PM): ok then
jadabug961 (3:36:20 PM): ok then what?
harlemhustler91 (3:36:30 PM): forget it
jadabug961 (3:36:33 PM): what?
jadabug961 (3:36:57 PM): whatever, bye
harlemhustler91 (3:55:32 PM): that was fast
jadabug961 (3:55:48 PM): just had to put the chiken in the oven
harlemhustler91 (3:55:54 PM): he must be very interesting for you to be on here alot
jadabug961 (3:56:01 PM): ha, ha
jadabug961 (3:56:11 PM): nobody interesting here
jadabug961 (3:56:58 PM): actually I am jsut checking my mail
harlemhustler91 (4:00:33 PM): let me know when u find the paper,and tell me what i got
harlemhustler91 (4:06:04 PM): he must have called you.ttyl
harlemhustler91 (4:06:23 PM): give me the house number
jadabug961 (4:09:53 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:10:08 PM): why you want the house number?
harlemhustler91 (4:10:32 PM): dont be stupid
jadabug961 (4:10:50 PM): I am not being stupid, you can have it but want do you want it for?
jadabug961 (4:10:53 PM): stupid
harlemhustler91 (4:11:08 PM): just give it to me
jadabug961 (4:11:25 PM): 732-546-3617
jadabug961 (4:11:37 PM): don't be calling and hanging up, like you did my cell
harlemhustler91 (4:11:58 PM): i never called and hung up
harlemhustler91 (4:12:08 PM): sorry that wasnt me
jadabug961 (4:12:21 PM): well then somebody is playing with my phone, and nobody has the number
harlemhustler91 (4:12:36 PM): malik does,kym does
jadabug961 (4:12:43 PM): malik doesn't
harlemhustler91 (4:12:51 PM): maybe its one of them
jadabug961 (4:12:53 PM): yeah kym does your right
jadabug961 (4:13:22 PM): whatever, she must like the sound of my voice..nasty bitch
harlemhustler91 (4:13:32 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:14:42 PM): watch American Idol lat night, I no she does
harlemhustler91 (4:15:01 PM): who?
harlemhustler91 (4:15:08 PM): i dont have tv
jadabug961 (4:15:19 PM): Jaci or Kym whichever the flavor of the week is
jadabug961 (4:15:33 PM): how do have a comp, but no tv
harlemhustler91 (4:15:39 PM): i told you i aint with none of them
harlemhustler91 (4:15:47 PM): call and ask kym
harlemhustler91 (4:15:56 PM): she has jaci number too
jadabug961 (4:16:09 PM): no thanks, next time I talk to Kym it's gonna be me beating her ass
jadabug961 (4:16:16 PM): no words involved
harlemhustler91 (4:16:17 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:17:06 PM): but wait Jaci was only a friend from the computer, guess she was a telephone friend to
jadabug961 (4:17:14 PM): on well
harlemhustler91 (4:17:46 PM): we spoke a few times at kyms expense but that was it
jadabug961 (4:17:59 PM): whatever, no need to explain
harlemhustler91 (4:18:06 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:18:28 PM): so you gonna be at the hospital when your kid is born?
harlemhustler91 (4:18:56 PM): we aint talking so i dont know
jadabug961 (4:19:17 PM): oh, well you no her due date, you should get in touch with her around then
harlemhustler91 (4:19:32 PM): if you say so
jadabug961 (4:19:38 PM): June 24th
jadabug961 (4:20:17 PM): your son's b-day is in a couple of weeks
harlemhustler91 (4:20:29 PM): i know
jadabug961 (4:20:34 PM): when?
jadabug961 (4:20:41 PM): and how old will he be?
jadabug961 (4:21:10 PM): don't no do you?
harlemhustler91 (4:21:32 PM): 3
jadabug961 (4:21:38 PM): when is his b-day?
harlemhustler91 (4:21:47 PM): 10
jadabug961 (4:21:54 PM): oh, ok
jadabug961 (4:22:42 PM): I just found a melted spatula in the oven
jadabug961 (4:22:45 PM): damn kids
harlemhustler91 (4:22:55 PM): lol
jadabug961 (4:23:32 PM): I am going to wach some clothes I will talk to you tomorrow, I guess
jadabug961 (4:23:37 PM): s
harlemhustler91 (4:23:50 PM): ok fine
jadabug961 (4:24:05 PM): have a good afternoon
harlemhustler91 (4:24:12 PM): u too
harlemhustler91 (4:24:23 PM): it would be better with you
jadabug961 (4:24:46 PM): no it wouldn't because if you where here,you would wanna be someplace else
harlemhustler91 (4:25:05 PM): i dont wanna be here
harlemhustler91 (4:25:13 PM): u dont want me there
jadabug961 (4:25:32 PM): do you wanna come by Sunday to watch the boys?
jadabug961 (4:25:55 PM): nevermind I will have my mother watch them
harlemhustler91 (4:26:03 PM): is that the only thing you want me around for?
jadabug961 (4:26:29 PM): well u siad you wanted to see the kids, but that's ok, I will have my mother do it
harlemhustler91 (4:27:10 PM): ill watch them,i just asked if thats all you wanted from me
jadabug961 (4:27:30 PM): for right now yes, but forget it I will have my mother do it
harlemhustler91 (4:27:50 PM): ok if you insist
jadabug961 (4:28:28 PM): things are not gonna just fix themselves in a matter of 2 weeks
harlemhustler91 (4:28:53 PM): ok maybe 1 year or two
jadabug961 (4:29:11 PM): hopefully not that long either
harlemhustler91 (4:29:35 PM): or until you get tired of looking for mr goodbar
jadabug961 (4:29:55 PM): I am not looking for Mr. Goodbar, I am happy by myself
jadabug961 (4:30:17 PM): I don't need anymore drama in my life, I am getting to old for the bullshit
harlemhustler91 (4:30:32 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:30:47 PM): talk to you later
harlemhustler91 (4:31:25 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:31:36 PM): :-h
harlemhustler91 (4:31:43 PM): :(
jadabug961 (4:32:02 PM): :-<
harlemhustler91 (4:32:07 PM): bye
jadabug961 (4:32:09 PM): bye
harlemhustler91 (4:59:03 PM): r u calling the kids today, I will tell them to listen for the house phone
harlemhustler91 (6:35:25 PM): imma call them later tonight
harlemhustler91 (6:35:39 PM): is your mother staying the night?
harlemhustler91 (7:07:55 PM): listen i know what i did in the past you will never forgive.it was my fucken fault for it.i was depressed and looking for a way out.i felt that you didnt cared,and that you only wanted me around to take care of our children.
harlemhustler91 (7:09:39 PM): i never wanted that bitch to have the baby,hope,she did this shit on purpose to get me to stay with her.
harlemhustler91 (7:09:56 PM): i wake up everyday regreting my actions
harlemhustler91 (7:10:27 PM): i wish shit would go back to where it was ten years ago
harlemhustler91 (7:10:48 PM): a time where we both had respect and love for eachother
harlemhustler91 (7:12:17 PM): when i got on my knees and porpose to you i meant it deep down inside me.i asked you to set the date and you ignored it.i felt that you never wanted to get married
harlemhustler91 (7:12:55 PM): so i went else where looking for the attention i so desprately needed.
harlemhustler91 (7:13:03 PM): i was wrong for that
harlemhustler91 (7:13:22 PM): but put yourself in the situation i was in
harlemhustler91 (7:14:00 PM): we were ingaged for three years and you never made a date or even made a move on it
harlemhustler91 (7:14:11 PM): i maDE THE FIRST MOVE AND THAT WAS IT
harlemhustler91 (7:14:56 PM): I WANTED TO LIVE MY LIFE WITH YOU,AND ALL I GOT WAS YOUR BACK TURNED
harlemhustler91 (7:15:57 PM): THESE BITCHES DONT MEAN SHIT TO ME,HOPE.I WANNA GO BACK TO THE DAYS WHERE WE BOTH ENJOYED EACHOTHERS TIME
harlemhustler91 (7:16:32 PM): I WANNA BE ABLE TO KISS AND HOLD YOU AND NOT THINK ABOUT BEING KICKED OUT
harlemhustler91 (7:17:09 PM): I AM WILLING TO DO THIS BABY,BUT NOW YOU ARE TURNING AGAINST ME.
harlemhustler91 (7:17:34 PM): I DONT KNOW HOW LONG I WILL BE ABLE TO TRY AND HOLD ON
harlemhustler91 (7:18:07 PM): 'YOU ALREADY TOLD ME THAT YOU HATE ME,AND BY THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME I KNOW IT IS TRUE
harlemhustler91 (7:18:39 PM): WHEN YOU SLEPT WITH MALIK I KNEW IT WAS TO GET BACK AT ME,IM NOT STUPID
harlemhustler91 (7:19:58 PM): I WAS HURT BUT I FORGAVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT
harlemhustler91 (7:20:08 PM): BUT U COULDNT DO THAT FOR ME
harlemhustler91 (7:20:29 PM): I LOVE YOU HOPE,I REALLY DO
harlemhustler91 (7:21:06 PM): I DONT LIKE THE WAY WE ARE NOW,WE WERE SO HAPPY,NO ITS ALL TURNED TO SHIT

March 17th
jadabug961 (12:42:33 PM): you say you love me and everything else, I tried for a year, I cried, begged and pleaded and you still didn't want to be with me and only me, I did take you for granted, I told you that and for that I am sorry, but just because I wasn't in your face 24/7 is no reason to drag me through the shit that you did, then you talk about you din't love her, and then I read all those text messages that you sent her, about how much you lover her and everything else, u say it was because you were using her but if you truly loved me you would never bring yourself to do that shit...I told you I am very, very hurt right now and I am afraid to let you back in my life so you can hurt me again
harlemhustler91 (3:03:43 PM): thanxz for showing me the person that you really are now.i ccouldnt stay because your mother was there.that was wrong hope.that shit took me back to the sleeping in the car days.i just now got inside from the cold,thanx for caring though.that was fucked up.
harlemhustler91 (3:08:17 PM): i cant believe you said that to me,i had no place to stay lastnight.now i know its to late to work it out.ill just do for the kids and we can be civil to eachother from now on.:-<
jadabug961 (3:28:34 PM): I asked you if you had a place to stay and you said yess don't turn it on me
jadabug961 (3:30:22 PM): I wasn't trying to be nasty
jadabug961 (3:30:51 PM): stop trying to make me feel guilty, you did this not me
jadabug961 (3:31:16 PM): I told you get your shit together and then maybe I will think about us again
harlemhustler91 (3:40:52 PM): im not trying to make you feel guilty,i left u a message telling you that i didnt have a place to stay lastnight.and you brushed me off by telling me your mother was there.you showed me that you care more about what people think and say,than worrying about me.
jadabug961 (3:41:26 PM): not true, I said my mother was here, no that you couldn't come by
jadabug961 (3:41:45 PM): I don't worry about other people especially when they don't worry about me
harlemhustler91 (3:42:53 PM): i dont know what else to do im trying hope
jadabug961 (3:51:36 PM): you are not pshowing me anything, actions speak louder then words
jadabug961 (3:51:58 PM): I have heard all this before and you still continued to do the shit
harlemhustler91 (9:03:40 PM): your so upset that we aren't together....yeah right please.....your feeling good enough to send your bitch shit on myspace.....what a joke
harlemhustler91 (10:01:51 PM): whatever
harlemhustler91 (10:02:07 PM): dont worry about what i send people i myspace
harlemhustler91 (10:03:25 PM): yeah it is a fucken joke,you are constantly checking what i do on there but you dont want nothing to do with me
harlemhustler91 (10:03:30 PM): please
harlemhustler91 (10:03:40 PM): go somewhere with that shit
jadabug961 (10:04:36 PM): I aint worried about it, believe me
harlemhustler91 (10:05:07 PM): if you aint worried then y the fuck are you hawking my page?
jadabug961 (10:05:16 PM): like I said actions speak louder then words
jadabug961 (10:06:27 PM): I aint hawking shit, I just figured if you were that upset about us not being together and if I was even considering us getting back together, but then I see all the shit you sending her and realize you are just bullshitting
harlemhustler91 (10:07:09 PM): yeah ok,what am i surpose to do sit here a play with my thumbs
harlemhustler91 (10:07:33 PM): t your buddies house?while you laughing and shit an
harlemhustler91 (10:07:44 PM): u must be fucken crazy
jadabug961 (10:07:52 PM): whatever, do you, I aint mad at you, again I will say action speak louder then words and your actions are showing me you are with her
harlemhustler91 (10:08:42 PM): im not gonna fucken kiss your ass anymore,after what you did lastnight,i see whats more important to you now
jadabug961 (10:08:44 PM): whatever Lisa is there for me and helps me and the kids out, while you are running the streets
harlemhustler91 (10:08:58 PM): well go fuck her then
jadabug961 (10:09:14 PM): whatever, if I really thought you had no place to stay I would have let you come and stay, but I no your game
jadabug961 (10:09:44 PM): anyway, you coming to watch the kids on Sunday?
harlemhustler91 (10:10:08 PM): thats your problem you are stuck in the past
jadabug961 (10:10:49 PM): seems like my past always repeats itself, so I have to keep my guard up
harlemhustler91 (10:11:15 PM): well you continue with your guard hope
jadabug961 (10:11:29 PM): ok, whatever, are you coming on Sunday or not?
jadabug961 (10:12:01 PM): hello??????????????
jadabug961 (10:12:33 PM): oh, now you want to be stupid about shit, ok, not a problem
jadabug961 (10:13:34 PM): Have a nice life, I will make different arangements for the kids on Sunday, cause like usual I can't count on you
harlemhustler91 (10:14:14 PM): i was away from from the fucken pc you fucken bitch
jadabug961 (10:14:26 PM): I will give u a bitch motehrfucker
harlemhustler91 (10:14:37 PM): dont give me that bullshit about counting on me
jadabug961 (10:14:51 PM): I will be a bitch until the day I die, thanks to you
harlemhustler91 (10:15:23 PM): ok you know what im not
harlemhustler91 (10:15:31 PM): forget it
jadabug961 (10:15:45 PM): forget what? you started this bullshit now finish it
harlemhustler91 (10:16:09 PM): goodbye
jadabug961 (10:16:11 PM): peace
jadabug961 (10:17:17 PM): like I said before you will always be you, you will never change, have a nice life
harlemhustler91 (10:18:14 PM): first you told me to come saturday night then you change it to sunday?
harlemhustler91 (10:18:30 PM): i didnt start anything with your funky ass
harlemhustler91 (10:20:02 PM): i didnt want to argue with you,but your to busy visiting myspace and jumping to conclusions
harlemhustler91 (10:20:37 PM): there is more to life than drinking cofee and shit talking hope.
harlemhustler91 (10:21:59 PM): the way you are acting i am starting to hate your fucking guts.u are playing with my emotions again
harlemhustler91 (10:22:38 PM): u won have a nice life as well
jadabug961 (10:22:49 PM): oh I will have a nice life
jadabug961 (10:23:04 PM): my ass is that funky then leave me the fuck alone
jadabug961 (10:23:36 PM): you getting all nasty and shit I figured you werent gonna watch the kids
harlemhustler91 (10:23:43 PM): your adittude is funky,see there you gojumping to conclusions
jadabug961 (10:24:17 PM): well when you have been through some much bullshit some of it is gonna come out in my attitude
jadabug961 (10:25:19 PM): look I see this is going to be nothing but back and forth bullshit today, do you want to come Saturday night and stay and with the boys on Sunday or not?
harlemhustler91 (10:25:42 PM): i told you i would last night
jadabug961 (10:25:51 PM): ok, fine
harlemhustler91 (10:25:58 PM): why u keep asking shit over and over again
jadabug961 (10:25:58 PM): what time are you coming?
harlemhustler91 (10:26:23 PM): what time is convient for you?
jadabug961 (10:26:24 PM): because one minute it is one thing but if something comes up, then it's fuck Hope
jadabug961 (10:26:36 PM): you are not doing this for me. your doing it for the kids
harlemhustler91 (10:27:04 PM): ok
jadabug961 (10:27:12 PM): what time are you coming?
jadabug961 (10:27:57 PM): whenever, just let me no
harlemhustler91 (10:28:24 PM): 7
jadabug961 (10:28:27 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (10:28:59 PM): i gotta get outta here
harlemhustler91 (10:29:09 PM): tell the kids i miss them
jadabug961 (10:29:17 PM): I will talk to you tomorrow
jadabug961 (10:30:11 PM): stop beaking my heart,i get your point now =((
harlemhustler91 (10:42:58 PM): I am not trying to break your heart, even though you shattered mine, I am just trying to make you realize that I am not gonna sit here anymore and put up with what you put me through the last year, and that I changed for the better and now you need to do the same,

March 18th
harlemhustler91 (5:23:55 PM): hi
harlemhustler91 (5:24:38 PM): imma be there at 7 or maybe earlier
harlemhustler91 (5:25:14 PM): hello?
harlemhustler91 (5:28:06 PM): hello?
harlemhustler91 (5:28:14 PM): why you log off?
harlemhustler91 (5:28:47 PM): ok fine
harlemhustler91 (5:53:38 PM): sorry, didn't no you where on
harlemhustler91 (5:54:16 PM): hello?
harlemhustler91 (5:57:22 PM): ran to the store to get ciggs, the computer shut itself down
harlemhustler91 (6:27:40 PM): how are the kids?
harlemhustler91 (6:28:11 PM): hello?
harlemhustler91 (6:31:46 PM): hello?
jadabug961 (6:32:16 PM): yeah
harlemhustler91 (6:32:28 PM): how are the kids?
jadabug961 (6:32:44 PM): there fine, they where playing on the comp
harlemhustler91 (6:32:52 PM): oh ok
jadabug961 (6:33:06 PM): you coming today or tomorrow?
harlemhustler91 (6:33:22 PM): today and tomorrow
jadabug961 (6:33:38 PM): ha, ha...glad you think so
harlemhustler91 (6:33:51 PM): you dont want me too?
jadabug961 (6:34:50 PM): I am asking you whether you are coming today or tomorrow for the kids, we have to leave by 12:00 tomorrow, if you can't come tonight then tomorrow morning is fine, but please don't leave me hanging
harlemhustler91 (6:35:50 PM): ok fine illl come today and leave when they are sleep
harlemhustler91 (6:36:07 PM): ill come tomorrow and leave when you come back
jadabug961 (6:36:29 PM): ok, but if it is easier for you just to come tomorrow early then just do that
harlemhustler91 (6:36:48 PM): i want to see them today
jadabug961 (6:36:51 PM): ok
jadabug961 (6:36:56 PM): when are you coming
harlemhustler91 (6:37:01 PM): later
harlemhustler91 (6:37:09 PM): maybe about three
jadabug961 (6:37:13 PM): ok
jadabug961 (6:37:25 PM): 3 I thought you said 7
harlemhustler91 (6:37:41 PM): is that a problem?
jadabug961 (6:37:51 PM): no
jadabug961 (6:37:57 PM): but u said 7
harlemhustler91 (6:38:05 PM): i know
jadabug961 (6:38:14 PM): so what are your plans
jadabug961 (6:38:26 PM): see them for a little leave and then come back tomorrow?
harlemhustler91 (6:38:54 PM): i dont want to leave at all,but i have no choice
jadabug961 (6:39:23 PM): at this moment in time you are right
harlemhustler91 (6:39:45 PM): damn
harlemhustler91 (6:39:47 PM): ok
jadabug961 (6:40:35 PM): look if your only coming to see them so you can come back home then forget it, I am not trying to be a bitch but I really think we need time apart
harlemhustler91 (6:41:15 PM): i understand hope,i wont press the issue any more
harlemhustler91 (6:41:21 PM): i want to see them
jadabug961 (6:41:29 PM): ok
jadabug961 (6:41:42 PM): sam and arrianna will be here too
harlemhustler91 (6:42:02 PM): well im not gonna be there for them
harlemhustler91 (6:42:08 PM): thats your job
jadabug961 (6:42:09 PM): i no
jadabug961 (6:42:16 PM): nobody said you had to be
harlemhustler91 (6:42:34 PM): ok then
jadabug961 (6:43:00 PM): I have a feeling u are gonna stick me for tomorrow should I ask my mother
jadabug961 (6:43:16 PM): or my father?
harlemhustler91 (6:43:23 PM): ill come
jadabug961 (6:43:30 PM): u sure
harlemhustler91 (6:43:39 PM): which one are staying with me?
jadabug961 (6:43:46 PM): jo-jo and Devan
harlemhustler91 (6:43:57 PM): why jojo staying?
jadabug961 (6:44:01 PM): jo-jo isn't gonna sit for a play
harlemhustler91 (6:44:06 PM): oh
harlemhustler91 (6:44:11 PM): poor boy
jadabug961 (6:44:20 PM): no, her has me all week all day
jadabug961 (6:44:23 PM): he
harlemhustler91 (6:44:30 PM): imma bring some clothes so i can wash
jadabug961 (6:44:53 PM): ok, don't bring any of your bitches clothes with you
harlemhustler91 (6:45:10 PM): i dont have any bitch
harlemhustler91 (6:45:31 PM): i better not see any draws of your fling there
jadabug961 (6:45:51 PM): none here, we got to hotels...nah I'm just playing
jadabug961 (6:46:09 PM): no man stays here unless they paying bills
harlemhustler91 (6:46:12 PM): i know you do,im not stupid
jadabug961 (6:46:21 PM): please, I have more class then that
jadabug961 (6:46:59 PM): you talking about coming at 3 that's only an hour away
harlemhustler91 (6:47:12 PM): i said maybe three
jadabug961 (6:48:05 PM): if you aren't gonna make it let me no, if you want to come in the morning that is fine to
harlemhustler91 (6:48:40 PM): is there a problem with me coming today?
jadabug961 (6:49:12 PM): no, but don't make me tell these kids your coming and then you don't come because I have to hear there mouths if you don't come through
harlemhustler91 (6:49:33 PM): i said i was coming
jadabug961 (6:49:35 PM): ok
jadabug961 (6:50:05 PM): i am tired
harlemhustler91 (6:50:25 PM): must have been good
jadabug961 (6:50:32 PM): I am going to try and take a nap before the kids come
jadabug961 (6:50:48 PM): whatever, I was on the phone until late last night and up early this morning
harlemhustler91 (6:50:51 PM): where are the kids now?
jadabug961 (6:50:58 PM): aggravating me
harlemhustler91 (6:51:08 PM): good convo with your new man
jadabug961 (6:51:17 PM): whatever
jadabug961 (6:51:26 PM): no man just friends
harlemhustler91 (6:51:29 PM): who were u talkin to?
jadabug961 (6:51:39 PM): my friends
harlemhustler91 (6:51:45 PM): man?
jadabug961 (6:51:53 PM): does that matter, but no
harlemhustler91 (6:52:07 PM): whatever
harlemhustler91 (6:52:09 PM): ok
jadabug961 (6:52:39 PM): well I am going to take a nap, I will see you later
harlemhustler91 (6:52:45 PM): sure
harlemhustler91 (6:52:48 PM): bye
jadabug961 (6:52:49 PM): sure what?
jadabug961 (6:53:27 PM): whatever, I am letting the kids back on the comp, talk to you later
--------------------------------------------
all imma say...
is that this is some SHIT. now WHAT the fuck am i supposed to do

the baby momma

this is hope mother of the 4 trolls, if you wanna know sabrina is the mother of the 2 trolls in florida, ok NOW... it's too long to post in one journal so i have to break it up

March 5th
jadabug961 (10:46:50 PM): kids say hi
harlemhustler91 (10:47:12 PM): tell them daddy says he misses them
jadabug961 (10:47:21 PM): ok
jadabug961 (10:47:31 PM): they said they love you
harlemhustler91 (10:47:56 PM): :x
jadabug961 (10:48:02 PM): lol
jadabug961 (10:48:36 PM): let me ask you, what the hell was that ty for yesterday?
harlemhustler91 (10:49:00 PM): wrong im
jadabug961 (10:49:03 PM): oh
jadabug961 (10:49:43 PM): just came back from the movies with them
harlemhustler91 (10:49:52 PM): cool
jadabug961 (10:50:26 PM): did you drop a disposable camera??????
harlemhustler91 (10:50:41 PM): yes
jadabug961 (10:50:51 PM): anything good on it?
harlemhustler91 (10:51:00 PM): nope
jadabug961 (10:51:04 PM): oh
jadabug961 (10:53:00 PM): petey was trying to get in touch with you
harlemhustler91 (10:53:11 PM): i know
harlemhustler91 (10:53:20 PM): i called him already
jadabug961 (10:53:23 PM): oh, ok
harlemhustler91 (10:54:08 PM): bye
jadabug961 (10:54:11 PM): bye

March 7th
harlemhustler91 (7:24:35 PM): how are the kids?
jadabug961 (7:24:46 PM): ehy do you care, fine
harlemhustler91 (7:25:12 PM): good
jadabug961 (7:25:17 PM): ok
jadabug961 (7:25:59 PM): I will tell them you said hello
harlemhustler91 (7:26:09 PM): k

March 8th
harlemhustler91 (5:21:28 PM): how are my babies?
jadabug961 (5:22:11 PM): there ok
harlemhustler91 (5:22:22 PM): good'
harlemhustler91 (5:23:27 PM): did i get anything in the mail?
jadabug961 (5:23:32 PM): they won't be around for the weekend, so let me no when you are stopping by to see them
harlemhustler91 (5:23:49 PM): ok
jadabug961 (5:24:26 PM): didn't check the mail yet
harlemhustler91 (5:24:34 PM): oh
jadabug961 (5:24:50 PM): I will let you no
harlemhustler91 (5:24:58 PM): thanx
jadabug961 (5:25:03 PM): not a prob
harlemhustler91 (5:25:41 PM): back with your fling?
jadabug961 (5:26:02 PM): I am by myself and enjoying it, what about you
harlemhustler91 (5:26:16 PM): dido
harlemhustler91 (5:27:47 PM): so you gonna go see him this weekend?
jadabug961 (5:28:09 PM): I am hanging out this weekend, doing me
harlemhustler91 (5:28:23 PM): i take that as a yes
harlemhustler91 (5:28:25 PM): fine
jadabug961 (5:28:40 PM): I didn't say that either
harlemhustler91 (5:28:48 PM): u dont have too
jadabug961 (5:29:18 PM): I don't want any more headaches, cheating and lieing...from anyone
harlemhustler91 (5:29:30 PM): sure
jadabug961 (5:30:10 PM): rather stay by myself, I wouldn't take it from you what makes you think I am gonna take it from anybody else
jadabug961 (5:31:36 PM): believe what you want, I really don't care
harlemhustler91 (5:31:55 PM): ok i know you dont care
jadabug961 (5:32:24 PM): yeah, whatever, I cared for too long and look where it got me...nowhere
jadabug961 (5:32:38 PM): just made myself look like an ass
harlemhustler91 (5:32:59 PM): yeah so have i
jadabug961 (5:33:37 PM): you look like your the shit, got bitches all over.....you never looked like an ass..I did for dealing with it
harlemhustler91 (5:33:57 PM): ok
jadabug961 (5:34:54 PM): just let me no when you are gonna see the kids so they will be home, there gone from Friday to Sunday
harlemhustler91 (5:35:17 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (5:36:14 PM): want me to come over on the weekend so i can tap that ass?
jadabug961 (5:36:55 PM): I am outta here on the weekend, no kids I won't be around
jadabug961 (5:37:22 PM): aren't you doing enough of that
harlemhustler91 (5:38:01 PM): oh ok
harlemhustler91 (5:38:20 PM): just make sure you are careful
harlemhustler91 (5:38:31 PM): if you know what i mean
harlemhustler91 (5:38:36 PM): ;)
jadabug961 (5:38:54 PM): I am not you, I just don't give my shit all over the place>:)
harlemhustler91 (5:39:15 PM): sure u dont
jadabug961 (5:39:35 PM): whatver, ain't no hoe never was and never will be, I don't need nobody for shit...
jadabug961 (5:40:03 PM): I don't have to give up ass, like the rest of your hoe's to get a man to talk to me
jadabug961 (5:40:59 PM): I got 4 kids, that need me, don't have time to be fucking every tom, dick and harry
jadabug961 (5:41:21 PM): but I can have fun though, whitout given shit up
harlemhustler91 (5:41:44 PM): know you will this weekend
harlemhustler91 (5:41:49 PM): stop frontin
jadabug961 (5:42:00 PM): oh, I will have fun, but I ain't giving shit up
jadabug961 (5:42:03 PM): don't need to
harlemhustler91 (5:42:11 PM): you aint gonna be home at all this weekend,i aint dumb
harlemhustler91 (5:42:20 PM): u got something planed
harlemhustler91 (5:42:26 PM): just be honest
jadabug961 (5:42:32 PM): I didn't say I was coming home, but I am going out
jadabug961 (5:42:42 PM): why should I stay out I have a house
jadabug961 (5:42:57 PM): just the kids won't be here, so I don't no what time I am coming in
jadabug961 (5:43:36 PM): nothing planned, believe it or not people like me for me not for what they think there gonna get
harlemhustler91 (5:43:55 PM): pleas ebe honest with me?are you dating?
jadabug961 (5:44:08 PM): no, I am hanging out, I am not dating anyone
harlemhustler91 (5:44:24 PM): hanging out with a man
harlemhustler91 (5:44:28 PM): is dating
jadabug961 (5:44:37 PM): what's the difference if I was, you living with another hoe,
jadabug961 (5:45:06 PM): who said I was with a man, I don't no what I am gonna be doing but I do no I won't be sitting at home
jadabug961 (5:45:54 PM): you have been doing you for over a year, I am tired of being the one sitting home waiting for you, hoping you will change, I have finally realized you never will
harlemhustler91 (5:47:18 PM): you are quick to accuse me when you have no clue
harlemhustler91 (5:47:59 PM): u said i was going out with sabrina,did you see her around?no cuz she never came to jersey
jadabug961 (5:48:20 PM): you got a bitch pregnant, you had a bitch laying in my bed, you have another on picking you up, I am tired of it,
jadabug961 (5:48:54 PM): yes that was my fault with Sabrina she wasn't there that day, but she is here now, matter of fact your mother tried to get me to go out with them on Sat
jadabug961 (5:49:41 PM): but the rest of the shit is true, I may not no exactly where you are but I no you are with some kind of female when you walk out of here
harlemhustler91 (5:50:32 PM): im not with no one
harlemhustler91 (5:51:19 PM): i made a huge mistake with kym,but you will never let me live that down
jadabug961 (5:51:53 PM): no, because you are still talking to her, and I no for a fact that you are with this Jaci
jadabug961 (5:52:43 PM): look I went that route with I don't care about her and I am just going to see my kids, then Sabrina turned on pregnant, I don't want to go down that road again,
jadabug961 (5:54:19 PM): I did everything for you in the 10 years that we where together, busted my ass working, anything you needed I bought and yes you did help me with the kids I will never take that from you, but what you did to me was unbelievable
jadabug961 (5:55:34 PM): I swear I blacked out for a minute when I found out she was pregnant, you just ripped my heart to pieces, but that wasn't enough for you, you still had to bring her in the house have her sleep in my bed and her son in Jada's bed, damn if you have no respect for me, what about your daughter?
harlemhustler91 (5:55:39 PM): so is this it?you want to move on?
jadabug961 (5:55:59 PM): you would kill a man if they did so shit like this to Jada
jadabug961 (5:56:20 PM): I am staying by myself, that way I don't have to worry about lies or anything else
jadabug961 (5:56:33 PM): I will never deny you your kids and you no that
jadabug961 (5:56:58 PM): this is what YOU wnated, I tried to hold it together and you just kept going
jadabug961 (5:57:33 PM): I changed, did what you asked me to do and you still continued....I don't no what else to do
jadabug961 (5:57:52 PM): but I am tired of trying and getting slapped in the face left and right
harlemhustler91 (5:59:07 PM): i was never with jaci and never will be,that is what you got wrong
harlemhustler91 (5:59:16 PM): we were just friends
harlemhustler91 (5:59:26 PM): but you wont believe that
harlemhustler91 (5:59:34 PM): and i understand why
harlemhustler91 (6:01:16 PM): but when you put me out for stupid shit that you accuse me of doing,what do you expect me to do?im living somewhere that i dont want to be.its not by choice,
jadabug961 (6:02:13 PM): your with Jaci, I no you are, she apparently has a man now and I guess it is you, you choose to go there, actions speak louder then words and you are not showing me anything other then you don't give a shit
harlemhustler91 (6:02:43 PM): you accused me of changing another girl password and it never happened,you put me out for that stupid shit
jadabug961 (6:02:50 PM): you call having a baby with a chick, having her sleep in my house is stupid shit
jadabug961 (6:03:11 PM): I am sorry for that, but I have to question everything you do
jadabug961 (6:03:29 PM): you played me, big time and that shit hurt, I will never be able to forgive for that shit
harlemhustler91 (6:03:40 PM): i never had her or her kid at the house sleeping
harlemhustler91 (6:04:28 PM): she said that out of anger cuz i stopped talking to her all together
jadabug961 (6:04:47 PM): you disappear every weekend, and your telling me your not with one of these chicks, have no money on you but still go out, no female is gonna take you out or pick you up if your not giving her something
jadabug961 (6:05:32 PM): had did she no where everything was, how did she no there was a night that me and the kids weren't home, you and here where seen together when I was in the hospital
jadabug961 (6:05:35 PM): by the house
harlemhustler91 (6:06:10 PM): i wasnt gonna go anywhere that last friday you decided to throw me out,you jumped to conclusions
jadabug961 (6:06:40 PM): yes you where pizza or perkins
harlemhustler91 (6:06:59 PM): i was gonna go to the tavern for an hour and you flipped cuz you saw the words perkins or whatever the fuck that was
jadabug961 (6:07:11 PM): then messages Hi Baby from Kym
harlemhustler91 (6:07:36 PM): i always get messages from her she wont stop
jadabug961 (6:07:43 PM): it took me forever to find you page on myspace
harlemhustler91 (6:08:01 PM): i even took her of my friends list but she makes new yahoos
harlemhustler91 (6:08:13 PM): i cant stop her from imming me
jadabug961 (6:08:18 PM): you had to send her something for her to have you added to her friends list
jadabug961 (6:08:37 PM): it's not only her, you got all these bitches all over
jadabug961 (6:09:04 PM): how where you going to the tavern with no money? come on!
harlemhustler91 (6:09:11 PM): i dont have any bitches i have friends who i dont even meet or see
jadabug961 (6:09:27 PM): your with Jaci now
harlemhustler91 (6:09:29 PM): i had twenty dollars that i saved
harlemhustler91 (6:09:39 PM): and six in change
harlemhustler91 (6:10:04 PM): im not with jaci
jadabug961 (6:10:33 PM): I could see if this was the first time we went through this shit, but you have done this to me before
jadabug961 (6:10:58 PM): what happens next time you are supposibly drinking, twins?
harlemhustler91 (6:11:18 PM): when i was off the pc all you did anyways was go to lisas,all damn day you go there
harlemhustler91 (6:11:33 PM): if you go to the fucken store you end up there
jadabug961 (6:11:33 PM): cayse you where on the game
harlemhustler91 (6:11:46 PM): if you pick up the kids you end up there
jadabug961 (6:12:01 PM): I need time to, you are gone for 3, 4 days at a time
harlemhustler91 (6:12:04 PM): i get on the pc you have a problem
jadabug961 (6:12:17 PM): not thinking twice about me or the kids
harlemhustler91 (6:12:27 PM): i gotts talk to someone,cuz you sure as hell dont talk to me
jadabug961 (6:12:36 PM): because you no I will take of everything
jadabug961 (6:14:30 PM): I do to, but there is not much to talk to you about after all that you have done...everytime I look at you, I am hurt, that somebody I loved so much, did everything for and had four kids with could do the shit you did to me...it hurts, you will never feel the pain that you have causedme
jadabug961 (6:15:11 PM): not sleeping, walking around like a zombie, crying all night, that shit hurts
harlemhustler91 (6:16:02 PM): welll imm sorry you feel that way
harlemhustler91 (6:17:32 PM): i knew u didnt love me anymore by the way you look at me,you look at me with so much hate in your eyes
jadabug961 (6:17:53 PM): i always will love you, never stopped
harlemhustler91 (6:17:59 PM): i can just be there playing with the kids and see the way you look at me
jadabug961 (6:18:01 PM): it was hurt. not hate
jadabug961 (6:18:09 PM): disgust
harlemhustler91 (6:18:20 PM): it is a very uncomfortable situation to be in
harlemhustler91 (6:18:24 PM): i tried
jadabug961 (6:18:34 PM): I just don't understand why and I don't think I ever will
harlemhustler91 (6:18:36 PM): but it will never work
jadabug961 (6:18:40 PM): you didn't try
jadabug961 (6:18:53 PM): you have even attempted to do right
jadabug961 (6:19:06 PM): you just keep saying fuck it and doing you
harlemhustler91 (6:19:31 PM): i do right and you continue to se things the other way
jadabug961 (6:19:38 PM): I told you actions speak louder then words and all your actions keep saying is fuck you
jadabug961 (6:20:23 PM): no you don't I didn't ask you to leave for a while and you still keep disappearing for days
harlemhustler91 (6:20:32 PM): you tell me you hate me,i never ounce told you that i hated you
harlemhustler91 (6:20:49 PM): i said alot of hurtful things but never that
jadabug961 (6:20:55 PM): I no am wrong for that,
jadabug961 (6:21:05 PM): but
harlemhustler91 (6:21:06 PM): so what am i holding on for
harlemhustler91 (6:21:08 PM): ?
jadabug961 (6:21:41 PM): I just get so frustrated I try to talk to you abd all you can say is whatever
jadabug961 (6:21:52 PM): I don't no, you tell me
harlemhustler91 (6:22:09 PM): throwing her in my face is not talking
jadabug961 (6:22:38 PM): no your right
harlemhustler91 (6:22:54 PM): it is cALLED VENTING,AND THATS ALL YOU DO
jadabug961 (6:23:15 PM): what about all those text messages, the I love you"s and everything else
harlemhustler91 (6:23:19 PM): from the moment i wake up till the moment you throw me out
jadabug961 (6:23:23 PM): I have to vent, this shit hurts
harlemhustler91 (6:23:48 PM): thats why i never went to get my things cuz i knew u were gonna throw me out again
harlemhustler91 (6:24:05 PM): i expect it from you,and its sad
jadabug961 (6:24:54 PM): you no what is really sad is that I can't expect anything from you except pain
jadabug961 (6:26:00 PM): you had Jact picking you up from down the street, come on
jadabug961 (6:26:12 PM): I am not as stupid as you think
harlemhustler91 (6:26:41 PM): i never met jaci
harlemhustler91 (6:27:00 PM): jaci is engaged
harlemhustler91 (6:27:09 PM): she was just a friend
jadabug961 (6:27:47 PM): she was single for a while, now all the sudden she is in a relationship, about the same time as you changed your status on myspace, and now she is engaged?
jadabug961 (6:28:17 PM): red car, white girl picked you up, suprisingly she has a red car to
harlemhustler91 (6:28:18 PM): whatever she does on her page that her
harlemhustler91 (6:28:30 PM): i dont control myspace
harlemhustler91 (6:28:49 PM): u base every thing with the damn net
jadabug961 (6:28:56 PM): and you actions
harlemhustler91 (6:29:09 PM): sometimes i regret even buying that shit
jadabug961 (6:29:15 PM): yeah me too'
jadabug961 (6:29:35 PM): you bought and I paid for you to cheat on me ain't that a kick in the ass
harlemhustler91 (6:29:58 PM): you want something else in the ass?
jadabug961 (6:30:28 PM): you think your funny=))
harlemhustler91 (6:30:37 PM): :-P
harlemhustler91 (6:30:43 PM): i miss you
harlemhustler91 (6:30:49 PM): i really do
jadabug961 (6:30:54 PM): i miss you too, but I can't do this anymore
harlemhustler91 (6:30:54 PM): i dont like this
jadabug961 (6:30:58 PM): me neither
harlemhustler91 (6:31:37 PM): i want you so bad
harlemhustler91 (6:31:45 PM): :(
jadabug961 (6:32:15 PM): no you don't:-O
harlemhustler91 (6:32:23 PM): i do
harlemhustler91 (6:32:47 PM): turn the cam on so i can see you
jadabug961 (6:33:00 PM): I don't no how to work that shit
jadabug961 (6:33:11 PM): it's not even hooked up
harlemhustler91 (6:33:36 PM): just click the the webcam buttom on the top of the im
harlemhustler91 (6:34:22 PM): plug into the port in the bottom
jadabug961 (6:34:42 PM): aren't you afraid your chick will see
harlemhustler91 (6:34:52 PM): i have no chick
harlemhustler91 (6:35:04 PM): turn it on
jadabug961 (6:35:54 PM): the piece on the bottom to keep it up there is off of it
harlemhustler91 (6:36:07 PM): just hold it
jadabug961 (6:36:25 PM): I bet that is what you tell all your chicks...lol
harlemhustler91 (6:36:44 PM): X-(
jadabug961 (6:36:54 PM): plug it in the back or the front?
harlemhustler91 (6:37:08 PM): however you want
harlemhustler91 (6:37:16 PM): :-P
jadabug961 (6:38:00 PM): why do you want me, you didn't want me before
harlemhustler91 (6:38:37 PM): i always want you but you are always with your friends
harlemhustler91 (6:38:50 PM): you give them more attention
harlemhustler91 (6:39:09 PM): :x
harlemhustler91 (6:39:39 PM): he needs a haircut
jadabug961 (6:39:49 PM): yeah, I no
harlemhustler91 (6:40:00 PM): let me see you
jadabug961 (6:40:11 PM): no
harlemhustler91 (6:40:19 PM): please?
harlemhustler91 (6:40:28 PM): i wanna see you and it
jadabug961 (6:40:28 PM): ok
jadabug961 (6:40:42 PM): what the hell is it
harlemhustler91 (6:40:49 PM): my pussy
jadabug961 (6:40:57 PM): whatever
harlemhustler91 (6:41:06 PM): :(
jadabug961 (6:41:17 PM): thebaby is eating this damn thing
harlemhustler91 (6:41:28 PM): i cant see
harlemhustler91 (6:41:32 PM): turn it on
jadabug961 (6:41:44 PM): it is on
harlemhustler91 (6:42:01 PM): send the invite again
harlemhustler91 (6:42:31 PM): i see
jadabug961 (6:42:38 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (6:42:54 PM): bite his cheek
jadabug961 (6:43:08 PM): he's growling at me
harlemhustler91 (6:43:13 PM): :">
jadabug961 (6:43:25 PM): your stupid
harlemhustler91 (6:43:42 PM): show me your kitty
jadabug961 (6:43:49 PM): get out of here
harlemhustler91 (6:43:58 PM): come on?
jadabug961 (6:44:00 PM): no
jadabug961 (6:44:29 PM): he is moving all over
harlemhustler91 (6:44:44 PM): just a quick minute?
jadabug961 (6:44:47 PM): no
jadabug961 (6:44:56 PM): you didn't want it before
harlemhustler91 (6:45:00 PM): one boob?
jadabug961 (6:45:04 PM): nope
harlemhustler91 (6:45:15 PM): turn it on
jadabug961 (6:45:21 PM): I got to give you something to miss
harlemhustler91 (6:46:24 PM): :-*
jadabug961 (6:46:34 PM): :D
jadabug961 (6:47:10 PM): so what have you been up to?
harlemhustler91 (6:47:48 PM): looking for work,reading,working out
jadabug961 (6:48:00 PM): oh
harlemhustler91 (6:48:17 PM): i wanna see you
jadabug961 (6:48:26 PM): when?
harlemhustler91 (6:49:21 PM): today
jadabug961 (6:49:31 PM): why?
harlemhustler91 (6:49:50 PM): i wanna see the kids,and i want to make love to you
jadabug961 (6:50:15 PM): you have to actually love me to do that, but you can come to see the kids
harlemhustler91 (6:50:31 PM): i do love you
jadabug961 (6:50:45 PM): when it is convenient for you
jadabug961 (6:50:53 PM): I am trying to get over you
harlemhustler91 (6:51:25 PM): why get over when you can get on top?
jadabug961 (6:51:33 PM): lol
harlemhustler91 (6:51:38 PM): :-P
jadabug961 (6:51:50 PM): I'm serious
harlemhustler91 (6:52:14 PM): you gonna where that sexy pajama for me?
jadabug961 (6:52:32 PM): how long you think your staying for?
harlemhustler91 (6:53:02 PM): when ever you tell me to leave
harlemhustler91 (6:53:14 PM): :-<
jadabug961 (6:53:48 PM): why you keep putting me on the spot like this? You did thisnot me
harlemhustler91 (6:54:26 PM): answer my question
harlemhustler91 (6:54:59 PM): should i stop?
jadabug961 (6:55:13 PM): stop what
harlemhustler91 (6:55:24 PM): trying
jadabug961 (6:56:18 PM): no, but I don't think we need some time apart so you can do what you have to and make sure that you want to be here, and I can clear my head
jadabug961 (6:56:21 PM): do
harlemhustler91 (6:56:54 PM): you dont think?or you think?
jadabug961 (6:57:06 PM): do think, sorry
harlemhustler91 (6:57:50 PM): i know what i want,but you can take as much time as you need
harlemhustler91 (6:58:15 PM): :(
jadabug961 (6:59:06 PM): you don't no what you want
harlemhustler91 (6:59:17 PM): ill go see the kids today and i wont bother you for the rest of the weekened
jadabug961 (6:59:31 PM): that's not the point
jadabug961 (7:00:04 PM): the weekend is not what stopping me
jadabug961 (7:00:54 PM): it's just I can't trust you, I can put myself out there right now to be hurt and betrayed again
harlemhustler91 (7:01:25 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (7:01:41 PM): whatever you want
jadabug961 (7:01:47 PM): when r u coming?
jadabug961 (7:02:08 PM): Jada was crying for you yesterday
jadabug961 (7:02:38 PM): hello?
harlemhustler91 (7:03:15 PM): im gonna be there by 7
jadabug961 (7:03:18 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (7:03:58 PM): can i see it on cam for the last time?
harlemhustler91 (7:04:07 PM): :->
jadabug961 (7:04:07 PM): ok
jadabug961 (7:04:13 PM): yeah right
jadabug961 (7:05:02 PM): he is eating my hand
harlemhustler91 (7:05:10 PM): :))
harlemhustler91 (7:05:28 PM): y u turn it off?
jadabug961 (7:05:34 PM): i didn't
harlemhustler91 (7:05:45 PM): i wanna see it baby
harlemhustler91 (7:05:52 PM): :(
jadabug961 (7:06:57 PM): ok?
jadabug961 (7:07:16 PM): this kid is sucking the life out of mt hand
harlemhustler91 (7:07:39 PM): maybe he hungry
jadabug961 (7:08:08 PM): nope, just spit up all over me, glad I didn't have my new outfit on
harlemhustler91 (7:08:29 PM): oh
harlemhustler91 (7:08:55 PM): why u bieng so shy?
jadabug961 (7:09:02 PM): ehat you mean?
harlemhustler91 (7:09:15 PM): u wont let me see my kitty
jadabug961 (7:09:30 PM): I don't put my shit all out there like that
jadabug961 (7:09:37 PM): it's a prize to be won
harlemhustler91 (7:09:45 PM): im the only one who can see
jadabug961 (7:09:55 PM): so what,
harlemhustler91 (7:10:20 PM): /:)
harlemhustler91 (7:10:27 PM): ok fine
harlemhustler91 (7:10:32 PM): i get the drift
harlemhustler91 (7:11:02 PM): what the kids eating tonight
jadabug961 (7:11:27 PM): that ain't gonna work
jadabug961 (7:11:31 PM): pork chops
harlemhustler91 (7:11:51 PM): what aint gonna work?
jadabug961 (7:12:24 PM): trying that crap
harlemhustler91 (7:12:36 PM): what crap?
jadabug961 (7:13:01 PM): that ok fine crap I am still not gonna do it
harlemhustler91 (7:13:23 PM): ok im not forcing you to
jadabug961 (7:13:26 PM): ok
jadabug961 (7:13:35 PM): so you will be here by 7?
harlemhustler91 (7:13:43 PM): yes
jadabug961 (7:13:45 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (7:14:12 PM): dont tell bug or the rest of the rat pack
jadabug961 (7:14:16 PM): ok
jadabug961 (7:14:59 PM): let me go take a shower and stuff so I can go get the kids
harlemhustler91 (7:15:08 PM): ok
jadabug961 (7:15:14 PM): talk to you later
harlemhustler91 (7:15:19 PM): bye
jadabug961 (7:15:22 PM): bye
harlemhustler91 (7:15:29 PM): :(
jadabug961 (7:15:44 PM): what you crying for?
harlemhustler91 (7:15:50 PM): ahhh see
jadabug961 (7:15:57 PM): see what
harlemhustler91 (7:16:00 PM): you tried to go invisible
harlemhustler91 (7:16:07 PM): and got caught
jadabug961 (7:16:11 PM): no, I was signing off
harlemhustler91 (7:16:12 PM): :))
jadabug961 (7:16:18 PM): I didn't get caught with shit
harlemhustler91 (7:16:19 PM): its ok
jadabug961 (7:16:27 PM): I was signing off
harlemhustler91 (7:16:29 PM): ttyl
jadabug961 (7:16:32 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (7:16:39 PM): i love you
jadabug961 (7:16:45 PM): love you to
jadabug961 (7:17:16 PM): why you off invisible?
harlemhustler91 (7:17:46 PM): i didnt realize i was till i brought up u were going invisble
jadabug961 (7:17:53 PM): oh
jadabug961 (7:17:59 PM): ok, let me go wash my ass
jadabug961 (7:18:05 PM): and feed Jo-Jo
harlemhustler91 (7:18:13 PM): i wish i can see it
harlemhustler91 (7:18:21 PM): :D
jadabug961 (7:18:32 PM): whatever, I wished you really loved me
harlemhustler91 (7:18:59 PM): i do,what do you want me to do?get a tatoo on my bady?
harlemhustler91 (7:19:13 PM): i would do it if you wanted me too
jadabug961 (7:19:36 PM): that day in frony of Kym you couldn't even say that you didn't love her and that you loved me
jadabug961 (7:19:40 PM): you would not
harlemhustler91 (7:20:02 PM): i would to prove it
jadabug961 (7:20:31 PM): tomorrow, I have to work 3-11 you feel like staying with the kids, so I don't have to bother my mother
jadabug961 (7:20:34 PM): if not that's ok
jadabug961 (7:20:39 PM): you would not
harlemhustler91 (7:20:54 PM): i would so
jadabug961 (7:21:00 PM): whatever
jadabug961 (7:21:10 PM): are you gonna watch them or not,
jadabug961 (7:21:26 PM): if that was the fact we would have been married like we where supposed tobe
harlemhustler91 (7:21:59 PM): how can we when you hate me so much
jadabug961 (7:22:15 PM): I don't hate you I hate the things you do.
harlemhustler91 (7:22:52 PM): set me straight,put it on me
jadabug961 (7:22:59 PM): what?
harlemhustler91 (7:23:04 PM): :">
jadabug961 (7:23:26 PM): that is always the answer, look what that got you into
jadabug961 (7:23:37 PM): not always the answer, my bad
harlemhustler91 (7:24:03 PM): get your mind out of the gutter
jadabug961 (7:24:08 PM): no that's you
harlemhustler91 (7:24:43 PM): =P~
jadabug961 (7:24:52 PM): pretty much
harlemhustler91 (7:25:02 PM): you want that?
jadabug961 (7:25:11 PM): whatever
jadabug961 (7:25:28 PM): I told you I am trying to stay away from you
jadabug961 (7:25:35 PM): =((
harlemhustler91 (7:25:45 PM): :(
jadabug961 (7:26:02 PM): yeah right
harlemhustler91 (7:26:16 PM): ok ill stop trying to get love from you then
harlemhustler91 (7:26:31 PM): we can be friends then
jadabug961 (7:26:37 PM): fine
jadabug961 (7:26:42 PM): wihtout benefits
harlemhustler91 (7:26:55 PM): whatever you wish
jadabug961 (7:27:05 PM): you are stupid
harlemhustler91 (7:27:06 PM): :-/
jadabug961 (7:27:26 PM): O:-)
jadabug961 (7:27:41 PM): how are you confused?
harlemhustler91 (7:28:03 PM): ~x(
harlemhustler91 (7:28:30 PM): never mind
jadabug961 (7:28:46 PM): you are something else
harlemhustler91 (7:28:52 PM): imma stop by to see the kids and ill leave when they are sleep
jadabug961 (7:29:01 PM): ok
jadabug961 (7:29:46 PM): but you better let them no that you won't be there when they wake up, are you gonna watch them tomorrow
jadabug961 (7:30:23 PM): your mom wants your screen name
jadabug961 (7:30:33 PM): can I give it to her?
jadabug961 (7:30:38 PM): hello
jadabug961 (7:30:39 PM): ?
harlemhustler91 (7:30:42 PM): sure
harlemhustler91 (7:31:03 PM): what do you mean am i gonna watch them?
harlemhustler91 (7:31:11 PM): where u gotta go?
jadabug961 (7:31:16 PM): for me to work, from 3-11 tomorrow
jadabug961 (7:31:25 PM): if not that's fine
harlemhustler91 (7:31:45 PM): ill watch them then
jadabug961 (7:31:50 PM): ok, thanks
jadabug961 (7:32:10 PM): ok, well I will see you later going to hit the shower have to get Jut in 45 min
harlemhustler91 (7:32:44 PM): ok
jadabug961 (10:48:00 PM): when u coming?
harlemhustler91 (10:48:10 PM): in a little bit
jadabug961 (10:48:22 PM): you about to have one less child
harlemhustler91 (10:48:31 PM): :))
harlemhustler91 (10:48:35 PM): y?
jadabug961 (10:48:50 PM): I am ready to put Jo-Jo into a wall
jadabug961 (10:49:03 PM): can't take his screaming
harlemhustler91 (10:49:29 PM): hmmm
jadabug961 (10:49:34 PM): what?
jadabug961 (10:52:55 PM): let me finish cooking, talk to you later
harlemhustler91 (10:53:23 PM): ok
jadabug961 (10:53:45 PM): should I keep them up, are you sure your coming?
jadabug961 (10:53:48 PM): let me no
harlemhustler91 (10:53:53 PM): yes
jadabug961 (10:53:56 PM): ok
jadabug961 (10:54:03 PM): see in a little

March 12th
harlemhustler91 (8:23:54 PM): oh ok dont mind sabrina i know what to do about her
harlemhustler91 (8:24:36 PM): as for the nieghbors,do unto them as they do to you.
harlemhustler91 (8:56:47 PM): did you have a great time?
jadabug961 (9:04:33 PM): hey
harlemhustler91 (9:04:41 PM): yeah
jadabug961 (9:05:03 PM): nothing, just saying hi
harlemhustler91 (9:05:10 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (9:06:11 PM): did you have a good time?/
jadabug961 (9:06:27 PM): yeah
harlemhustler91 (9:06:38 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (9:07:00 PM): bye
jadabug961 (9:07:02 PM): bye
harlemhustler91 (9:08:50 PM): give the kids my love,when u see them
jadabug961 (9:08:59 PM): there here, I will
jadabug961 (9:09:18 PM): why do you think I am home
harlemhustler91 (9:11:34 PM): sure
jadabug961 (9:11:55 PM): what the fuck you mean sure, the kids are home and that's why I am here
harlemhustler91 (9:12:16 PM): cool
jadabug961 (9:12:25 PM): cool beans
jadabug961 (9:12:27 PM): buddy
harlemhustler91 (9:12:37 PM): im not your buddy
jadabug961 (9:12:47 PM): then what the hell are you?
harlemhustler91 (9:13:24 PM): =((

March 13th
harlemhustler91 (12:43:27 PM): do me a favor and stop calling your bitch from New Brunsiwck on my damn phone, she has got one time to call this house, thanks for giving my number to the dumb bitch
harlemhustler91 (2:56:37 PM): i didnt give her the damn number,i blocked it when i called her.ty
jadabug961 (4:22:15 PM): you got my message?
harlemhustler91 (4:29:54 PM): yes i did
harlemhustler91 (4:30:20 PM): and i told you i didnt give her the phone number,i blocked it when i called
harlemhustler91 (4:32:03 PM): did u get my message
harlemhustler91 (4:32:05 PM): ?
jadabug961 (4:32:55 PM): I checked my phone bill and your heffer's number is one there, I don't appreciate that shit, she got one time to call this house
harlemhustler91 (4:33:21 PM): she dont have the number
jadabug961 (4:34:05 PM): you called her from the house phone on Thursday, I hope you blocked it, and what the hell you doing calling her from my damn phone
jadabug961 (4:34:20 PM): see this is what I mean, you never learn
harlemhustler91 (4:35:14 PM): she imed me that night telling me she was having a miscarriage,so i called,with a blocked number.
harlemhustler91 (4:35:20 PM): that was it
jadabug961 (4:36:22 PM): ain't my business what you called her for, just the point of you calling her period, if she was well enough to be iming you then apparently she was fine, but again ain't my business
harlemhustler91 (4:36:38 PM): yeah
jadabug961 (4:39:05 PM): you no where the disc is to re-boot this damn thing, I am about to take it down and put mine back up
harlemhustler91 (4:39:44 PM): you had no bizzness fucking dowloading junk on it
jadabug961 (4:40:30 PM): whatever, you want this thing I will meet you somewhere and giving it to you or I will leave it with your mother, I tired of you talking about my computer...whatever
jadabug961 (4:41:32 PM): like the pics, this is why I don't even want you around here, taking pics and shit having bitches talking about can I sit next to you, you probably fucked her in my damn bed to
harlemhustler91 (4:42:10 PM): it is none of y our bizz if i take pics
jadabug961 (4:42:48 PM): but whatever, I am through with the bullshit.....it is when it is my house, but I no that shit won't happen again....cause you won't be here.....lots of luck to you I wish you nothing but the best
harlemhustler91 (4:43:18 PM): fine then hope
jadabug961 (4:43:35 PM): glad we got that cleared up
harlemhustler91 (4:43:46 PM): yeah me too
jadabug961 (4:44:24 PM): let me no a couple of days in advance when you want to see the kids and I will make sure there around
harlemhustler91 (4:44:45 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:45:59 PM): I will let you no about your mail from school, but once you get it I would appreciate it if you changed your mailing address....let me no when you want your computer and everything and I will make sure you get it
harlemhustler91 (4:46:55 PM): whatever you want hope no problem
jadabug961 (4:46:59 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:47:01 PM): thanks
jadabug961 (4:47:20 PM): good luck with everything and I truly mean it
harlemhustler91 (4:47:23 PM): :(
harlemhustler91 (4:47:26 PM): ok
jadabug961 (4:47:35 PM): whatever
jadabug961 (4:48:41 PM): I am tired of you trying to play that shit with me, you did this not me, this is what you wanted....you could only push me so far before I had enough..I stuck it out for a year and I am not doing it anymore...I am content no, don't have to worry about anything
jadabug961 (4:48:56 PM): w
harlemhustler91 (4:50:40 PM): no problem,i will have my shit together soon,and when i do,i dont want to hear shit from you,trying to work things out.you said what you wanted and you are getting your wish.this shit aint gonna be reversed this time
harlemhustler91 (4:51:16 PM): you are single now so have have your damn fun,you dont have to be a fucken bitch with me
jadabug961 (4:51:27 PM): no problem, I wish you all the luck in the world, I no your capable of doing what you need to do
jadabug961 (4:51:39 PM): I am not trying to be a bitch,
harlemhustler91 (4:51:52 PM): take your luck and shove it up your ass
jadabug961 (4:52:05 PM): see why do you have to be nasty
jadabug961 (4:52:21 PM): I am truly happy for you with whatever you do
harlemhustler91 (4:52:29 PM): fuck you hope,you made a huge mistake,now you are written out my life just like sabrina
jadabug961 (4:52:36 PM): that is fine
jadabug961 (4:52:44 PM): whatever
jadabug961 (4:52:59 PM): god bless and good luck...peace
harlemhustler91 (4:53:06 PM): god?
harlemhustler91 (4:53:09 PM): please
jadabug961 (4:53:14 PM): just don't forget to call your kids
jadabug961 (4:53:33 PM): you can write me off... I don't care but don't forget your kids that you don't like to claim
jadabug961 (4:53:46 PM): youcan pick them up any time
harlemhustler91 (4:54:05 PM): im not gonna kiss your ass anymore,you said u want to be single,so imma move on now
jadabug961 (4:54:20 PM): that is fine that is want I want you to do
harlemhustler91 (4:54:22 PM): i dont wanna hear shit when you see what you dont like
jadabug961 (4:54:30 PM): same thing here
harlemhustler91 (4:54:36 PM): cool
harlemhustler91 (4:54:41 PM): bye
jadabug961 (4:54:44 PM): bye
jadabug961 (5:00:14 PM): oh and one more thing, I could never rank like Sabrina with anybody I have custody of my kids...my kids need for nothing not thanks to you
jadabug961 (5:00:31 PM): have a good life
harlemhustler91 (5:01:20 PM): yeah you give yourself all the credit,lol your full of shit
jadabug961 (5:02:18 PM): whatever, you helped I wont take that from you, but I don't ever want to hear from on of your bitches or you talking about I am not a good mother, because you and everybody else no's I am
jadabug961 (5:04:08 PM): I could be a true bitch since you talking about being a bitch and do that shit that you other bitches did to you but I am not going down that route, you do what you can for the kids and I will leave it at that
jadabug961 (5:04:26 PM): but don't go around talking about me being a bitch, you did this not ME
harlemhustler91 (5:04:50 PM): you still talking?
jadabug961 (5:05:17 PM): you won't hear from me again, have a nice life
harlemhustler91 (5:05:26 PM): ok
harlemhustler91 (5:05:49 PM): dont ask for this dick anymore
harlemhustler91 (5:06:05 PM): you already have one
jadabug961 (5:06:05 PM): I won't don't ask for my golden shit anymore eitehr
jadabug961 (5:06:27 PM): no I don't, but I don't need a headache and hurt heart to keep one either
harlemhustler91 (5:07:00 PM): this conversation is going nowhere fast
jadabug961 (5:07:06 PM): remember on thing if it's the only thing you remember I am not you
jadabug961 (5:07:12 PM): you are right about taht
harlemhustler91 (5:07:13 PM): so just end it
jadabug961 (5:07:18 PM): fine..whatever
harlemhustler91 (5:08:00 PM): you told me what you wanted and im gonna give it to you.
jadabug961 (5:08:06 PM): ok, thank you
harlemhustler91 (5:19:27 PM): thanx for making my day hope
harlemhustler91 (5:20:30 PM): you did this not me and I will tell you that till the day I die
harlemhustler91 (6:10:55 PM): i tried to make it work with us,u just pushed me away.i didnt want to leave the other day,but the way you were acting showed me how much you really dont want to be bothered by me.
harlemhustler91 (6:12:04 PM): i just hope who ever you decide to be with is good to you
harlemhustler91 (6:14:36 PM): i know how it feels to be hurt,i been through it all my life.but when i found out about the guys you met,and slept at there house,i didnt trip.i just stuck with you and tried to make it work,cuz i knew i deserved it.
harlemhustler91 (6:14:48 PM): but you cant forgive like i do
harlemhustler91 (6:15:24 PM): u just keep throwing it in my face,like you never made mistakes
harlemhustler91 (6:16:06 PM): i know you probrably got a man somewhere who is feeding you all types of shit
harlemhustler91 (6:16:45 PM): i just want you to know that it is becuz of your actions,that i am the way that i am
harlemhustler91 (6:17:16 PM): you give your friends the time that i desperately needed from you
harlemhustler91 (6:17:58 PM): you choose to use the time that i was there to go out and hang and meetup with your buddies
harlemhustler91 (6:18:19 PM): while im sitting in the house taking cARE OF THE KIDS
harlemhustler91 (6:18:51 PM): THREE HOURS OUT AND YOU COME BACK WITH JUST ONE ITEM
harlemhustler91 (6:19:32 PM): I TRIED TO WORK THINGS OUT,I WANTED IT SO BAD.BUT U JUST SHOWED ME THAT IT WAS TO LATE TO TRY
harlemhustler91 (6:20:26 PM): SO HEAR I AM IN A SITUATION I DONT WANT TO BE IN,BUT IM NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND HOPE ONE DAY YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND
harlemhustler91 (6:22:08 PM): I BEEN GAVE UP THE SINGLE LIFE,UNTIL I FOUND OUT ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING.I HOPE WHEN YOU SMELL THE COFFEE THAT IT WOULD BE SOON
harlemhustler91 (6:23:34 PM): YOUR TREATMENT OF ME WAS VERY HURTFUL,BUT I STOOD FOR THE KIDS.I JUST FELT USED LIKE I DID ALL THE TIME WHEN YOU WASNT AROUND
harlemhustler91 (6:24:19 PM): DONT BLAME EVERYTHING ON ME HOPE,U CAUSE THIS TOO,WHEATHER YOU WANT TO ADMIT IT OR NOT
harlemhustler91 (6:26:19 PM): I JUST FISH WE CAN GO BACK TO THAT FIRST TIME WE BOTH FELT LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER,WHEN YOU CHOOSE ME ABOVE THE REST,NOW HERE I AM LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES,HOPING YOU WILL SEE THINGS MY WAY
harlemhustler91 (6:27:01 PM): WE USED TO TALK ALL THE TIME,NOW WE BARELY TALK AT ALL SINCE WE MOVED TO WOODBRIDGE
harlemhustler91 (6:27:44 PM): I WISH YOU HAPPINESS HOPE I REALLY DO,BUT WITH ME
harlemhustler91 (6:28:51 PM): I JUST WISH YOU SAW THINGS IN MY EYES,SEE WHAT I REALLY FEEL,INSTEAD OF THROWING THINGS IN MY FACE,AND JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS OF YOUR OWN
harlemhustler91 (6:29:10 PM): I SEE THAT YOU ARE ONLINE BUT U AINT RESPONDING
harlemhustler91 (6:29:25 PM): MUST BE A SO CALLED NICE MAN
harlemhustler91 (6:29:35 PM): TAKE CARE HOPEY
harlemhustler91 (6:30:02 PM): :-/
harlemhustler91 (6:55:28 PM): heloo?
harlemhustler91 (6:55:52 PM): why are you ignoring me Hope?
harlemhustler91 (6:57:00 PM): im trying to spill my heart out and u ignore me?thats COLD
harlemhustler91 (7:05:35 PM): sorry just got here
harlemhustler91 (7:08:09 PM): I was downstairs
harlemhustler91 (7:10:37 PM): I wish things could go back to the way they were to, but you did what you did and that will never change, you have a baby coming into the world....do you no how hard that is to deal with....I did try, I tried for a year, I did take you for granted, but it wasn't like I left you with the kids to go and party, I was working and when you sat with me and told me what the problem was I stopped, I tried everything and you still did your dirt
harlemhustler91 (7:11:18 PM): you hurt me so bad that I will never be able to trust anyone again and further more I did stay at Malik's house but I really didn't do anything
harlemhustler91 (7:13:05 PM): you don't believe that because you where out doing dirt, but at the time I was with Malik I wasn't ready to do anything with anybody and I am still not and won't be for a very long time, but I can never trust you again, this is not the first time you did this to me and me working alot is not a good enough reason for you to have done what you did...
harlemhustler91 (7:16:04 PM): I have made mistakes, I am not perfect but nothing I did or ever do will ever compare to what you did, I loved you unconditionally and you took that as my weakness, and said fuck it, I did try and talk to you and all I got was whatever, glad you think so
harlemhustler91 (7:22:23 PM): and furthermore they are not the kids they are ours, I need a chance to breath to you disappear for days at time and do what you need to do, but when I want to hang out with Lisa for a couple of hours there is an issue, you are always on the computer so what am I suppose to do twitle my damn thumbs....do you no that I can't even watch Americam's most wanted or cops because we made a point to watch it every Saturday and I can't bring myself to remember what we were like before all this shit went on, it hurts to much
harlemhustler91 (7:57:21 PM): its all my fault,
harlemhustler91 (7:58:25 PM): i guess we drove eachother into where we are now then.we cant get passed the blame game
harlemhustler91 (8:01:23 PM): but i know that no matter what you think of me,i will always love you.and no other man can fill that void in your heart but me.u play these games with me to make me jealous,but its not,it just makes me want to try harder,to let you see i want to change.
harlemhustler91 (8:02:04 PM): but u never took the time out to really see,like always you were to busy to pay attention to me
harlemhustler91 (8:05:00 PM): i forgot when was the last time you showed me giniune afftection.i cant remember the last time we kissed
harlemhustler91 (8:05:28 PM): i cant remember the last time we actualy looked at eachother and smiled
harlemhustler91 (8:05:46 PM): i cant remember the last time we held hands
harlemhustler91 (8:06:13 PM): i cant remember the last time we had a good time together,just you and me.
harlemhustler91 (8:06:32 PM): i cant rember the last time you called me baby
harlemhustler91 (8:07:18 PM): i cant remember all the things that used to be cuz it hasnt been done in song damn long
harlemhustler91 (8:07:45 PM): and that was the true and only reason,i did what i really did.
harlemhustler91 (8:08:24 PM): i wanted to be and feel loved again,instead of bieng the but of jokes and being treated the way i was
harlemhustler91 (8:10:08 PM): after the kids it seems we drifted apart,i tried to stay afloat,and ride the storm,but got swept away.
harlemhustler91 (8:11:20 PM): i knew after this kym situation things would never get rite with us.
harlemhustler91 (8:11:49 PM): that bitch fucked my whole life up
jadabug961 (8:11:55 PM): who?
jadabug961 (8:16:53 PM): no, you don't understand I am not trying to make you jealous, I love you more then you will ever no, but I can't go through this anymore, time and time again you say your going to change and you still do the same shit, You stopped showing me affection along time ago, and then when this shit started I stopped showing you affection it used to hurt just to think about another female touching you but unfortuanetly I got used to it. I did everything, I changed for you and that didn't work there is nothing else for me to try, and even if we were to try and work this thing out you still have to see her when the baby is born and I can't deal with that, and how do I no that if you get mad at me you won't do this shit again, I can't because like I said this is not the first time you did this, every
jadabug961 (8:17:15 PM): everything was great in the beginning and you still were fucking Sabrina, so what does that tell me???????
jadabug961 (8:20:18 PM): and I wasn't to busy to see I was working to make sure that OUR kids had a good life, didn't walk around looking like bums had food in there stomach, I was trying to do for us and instead of being there with me you turned your back on me
harlemhustler91 (8:20:43 PM): maybe i should just end everything.its all my fault that my family is broken from both sides
harlemhustler91 (8:22:35 PM): you know what fuck that i even existed hOPE.ITS BETTER THAT WAY,CUZ YOU ALREADY STARTED
jadabug961 (10:08:31 PM): stop talking like that, I told you I will always love you but right now i can't go back to having all the bullshit going on you have a baby coming in 3 months
jadabug961 (10:59:46 PM): did you watch Soprano's?
harlemhustler91 (11:00:00 PM): yes
harlemhustler91 (11:00:08 PM): he will live
jadabug961 (11:01:30 PM): don;t tell me, i have to watch it tonight, I fell asleep
harlemhustler91 (11:01:42 PM): oh
jadabug961 (11:01:53 PM): end what?
harlemhustler91 (11:03:01 PM): i must go now hope
harlemhustler91 (11:03:04 PM): bye
jadabug961 (11:03:09 PM): ok,

to be continued

Communication is the key

Communication is the key

What do you do when you pass a payphone… do you think of me and wonder how im doin, wonder if maybe for a second you wanna hear my voice… do you like it that you ain’t got no cell phone and can only talk to me online. Sometimes I feel like you think it’s all about you, you don’t ask me how im feelin, what im thinking about, you don’t try to get to know what’s inside of me besides using your penis. Well that’s just great im glad you show your true colors. I can’t tell you how to love me, I can’t tell you how to show it, cuz if you really felt it, if you really loved me the way you say you do, I wouldn’t have to tell you. I wouldn’t have to inform you of this, cuz you know me enuff to love me, right???? And now I feel like im wasting my time with you, cuz it’s like you playin me but when im ready to go you can’t let me go.

No one cares how they treat me, and no one cares if im hurting, it’s like no one believes that I am hurting, I don’t wanna hurt no more. No one knows how much it hurts inside and I really am beginning to feel like no one cares. I can’t believe that after all I do for you, you don’t want to try and make me feel a little better

You play with words so much, you don’t really realize how much that hurts when WORDS is all I got to rely on now a days. You have lied to me so much, and yet you pick these little things to get jealous over. And you treat me like im cheating on you, or im doin something behind your back… and when I am hurt it’s like… it’s not real, if I wanted to feel like my feelings meant SHIT I woulda kept on with alfredo… im serious, I don’t need this shit, but yet you have lies you about to be the fuckin revealer of secrets, you have NO FUCKIN RIGHT to assume shit about me… you don’t even fuckin know me

Now you really don’t know me… keep fuckin playin with words… how can you say you love me if you treat me like that, then you take it back like you playin, like it didn’t mean nothing. You say that I melt all the walls around your heart. So why do I keep hittin this brick wall with you…. every time.. And it’s every time I feel like comfortable, why do you have to do this..

Look im sorry I fucked with us in the beginning…. But im all here now im not fuckin with you, look at all we been through… WHAT THE FUCK

“Gazing into your eyez I see vast mountains of beauty, a clear sky of understanding over hills curiosity & wonder, And I can't help but wonder , is she for real and if so I must be sleeping, Because such beauty can only exists in a dream.”
brickoutside: im glad that you talk like that to everyone
brickoutside: im such a dumbass for thinkin ANYTHING you write like that would maybe be just for me
brickoutside: do i mean ANYTHING to you
brickoutside: i don't know what to think anymore baby... i keep going through everything in my head.. everything that's happened and everything that you said to me.... and i just don't know what to think anymore
brickoutside: i just know i feel so beat up inside and i have no one to talk to, i have no one to turn to, no one that understands me, and i get the feeling that you just don't want this because you never thought we would get this far
brickoutside: all i know is that i only ever wanted to love you, i just wanted to give you all my love... you used to give me so much love and now it just seems less and less
brickoutside: just please tell me what is going on, what are you feeling inside, cuz in the end that's all that matters is how we feel inside, i care so much about how you feel
brickoutside: im sorry that i fucked things up in the beginning... and im sorry that i fucked with your heart, im sorry that i wasn't all there, but everyday that i had you and your love in my life i got stronger, i started to be myself again with you
brickoutside: so im sorry if i ruined it, im not mad at you gary, im not flipping out im not angry... im just tellin you how i feel cuz i just i need to... im tellin you whats inside me maybe you can just answer some questions or straighten out what i might have twisted baby, please don't be mad at me
brickoutside: but through all this sadness and cryin and lonliness that you have caused me baby... i still wanna see you so bad... i still wanna hold you so tight... i still want to be next to you
brickoutside: i do love you very much, that never changed baby


I just don’t understand how you can refuse to comminucate with me…. You made time before to do it…. All I have is miscommunication…. There is so much that I know you are not saying to me… how can you expect things to be ok… how can you keep treating me like this… I just want my life back… I wish I never met you sometimes… theres so many situations where people are just so glad that they love a certain someone despite their short comings…. I can’t say that for you… I can’t say that because theres so much that you could have NOT meant to do that I could deal with….. But that’s not your problem… you are a FUCKING ASSHOLE, cut n dry… you deliberately hurt me, you know what you are saying, you know what you are typing, you KNOW that what you are saying and HOW it’s gonna be taken… im gonna learn to stay away from people like you… the part of me that loves you and feels she knows you and sees things that only she can see, really does think that you aren’t a bad guy, you aren’t a horrible person that you can actually be the sweetest person and say and do some beautiful things…. You can be thoughtful and all, you can do it cuz I see that breaking through that HARDNESS that you have that Brick wall that you consistently draw up… im not trying to hurt you… I never deliberately tried to hurt you ever… ive been so patient, I’ve been so understanding of you, I never judged you, and I still don’t. but that doesn’t mean I am gonna forgive you, that doesn’t mean that I can forget this pain that you’ve caused me. I swear to god, the life of all my future unborn children, on my daddy and grammays grave…. I have never felt this pain… I never felt anything like this before ever, 9/11 was the last time that I think I felt similar to this way and before that maybe the death of my Father when I was 10 and my gramma when I was 16. But nothing like this… it’s so unexplainable the pain. I don’t wish this on my worst enemy. This is a warning… please stay away from people like him… it’s not worth the pain, it’s not worth it, please… stay away from a player, don’t let him play you please, you know you are smarter than that…. Go by actions, not just words too.. Make sure he can back up what he’s sayin

Un Plug Yourself From the Matrix

i just want to know how people exist and function in the real world around here.... i know that 75% of the time that i sign onto this beautiful space of ours, maybe 2-4 of my friends are online, IF THAT, some people engulf theyselves in this cyber world of whatever you wanna call it so that they might actually search and FIND the one they been lookin for... so when they find THE ONE, can you unplug yourself from the matrix? can you settle, can you be content.?

Of Course if you spent time with this person, you feel that they are the one, but is it big enuff a feeling to take yourself out of your routine of finding someone, cuz you found someone right? maybe not, maybe you should keep lookin, but keep that person on hold though, please, by all means, play the shit out of the shit out of that person, no matter what that person might have done to be with you, to commit themselves to the situstion they got them selves into..... cuz they wanted to make it work, but you, your just still plugged in, and they plug in too, they wanna be on your level, they wanna be wherever you are, but you maybe think they doin the same thing you are, you think they still lookin to, cuz just as easy as yall hooked up, they could still be lookin too, but you are too much of a fuckin dumbass to tell that person how you feel, you can't pick up the goddamn phone to tell that person that they are everything that you were looking for,

no you need to IM her.... you need to IM her your feelings, cuz after all, if you can't keep it real in one perspective, then you can't keep it real at all. she ain't gonna stay, she's been through enuff, you can't tell her in PERSON or even on the phone how much she means to you, did you know that if you DIE in the matrix you also die in the real world... think about that.... no really think about it, you came to this world got shot in the heart by her, and you died, and NOW you can't function in the real world, BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD..... you are dead to this person, because you fucked her over by being 10 times worse than what she left you for... by truly not giving a fuck about her feelings.... or seeming that you do.... if you actually could tear yourself of f the fucking computer long enuff to call her, act like a fuckin human being. forget about everbody else, she's not everybody, do you know why? because she was supposed to be the one, even NEO brought his ride or die bitch with him... she wants a real fucking connection directly to YOU, not through an ethernet cable. you should just take your cock that is so important to you, take that cock that you keep thinkin you got to MEASURE, and stuff it in your hard drive, maybe you should fuck your computer.

she wants to thank you though... thank you for teaching her a lesson, you fucked her life up enuff, take that bitch off your damn buddy list, you are used to it because you don't let shit fuckin flow. she can keep it real so why the fuck can't you?

Don't Ever CHANGE

you tell me don't ever change... im perfect just the way i am RIGHT NOW... yeah that was 2002... i been with you for 3 years and you don't want me to change ever... stay the way i am.... yet you constantly changin... and when i react "baby OMG you changin up on me" im not changing, this is me and im not afraid to admit it.... how can i remain the same if you constantly letting me down???? i'll always love you.. you're always in my heart... you damn near imprinted it... but when a womans fed up.... it aint nuthin you can do about it... i haven't misspelled a word yet with you, but you have misspelled love on more than one occasion... you were the only one who i was able to be me the most with... now i have to pretend im not into certain things cuz you aren't you shit on some of my likes... you're all about the future,, but what the fuck about NOW.... what's this future you keep talkin about with kids and a house and bein financially sound and comin home to the kids and the dogs and all that good shit and the whole 9.......... what is it really gonna be like if you don't gimmie all of you NOW.... stop puttin me on HOLD, and STOP makin me feel like my feelings are wrong... if you don't feel the same way then go scratch... im a big girl i can handle it... i've been through worse... you're ultimately the best thing that everhappened to me... you are the love of my life but i cannot stick around for you making it the worst thing that ever happened to me... you are IM'ing me now

FrankwhitesS (3:38:44 PM): Baby i am sorry princess , and i dont mean to hurt you or cause us to fight . I really am sorry about the hole book thing , it was not suppose to come out like that . . . .
Batchie27 (3:39:41 PM): it's not about the damn book.... actually im interested in looking at it.. i am... books help... im just tired of you constantly letting me down and im supposed to remain the same person i was in 2002
FrankwhitesS (3:44:02 PM): Baby when else have i let you down angel ? Please baby let me know ?
Batchie27 (3:44:34 PM): you know when baby you know when i don't have to point out every situation baby and im not going to
FrankwhitesS (3:46:12 PM): Baby i really love you alot angel , and that was so sweet you baked me cake . Thanks baby .
Batchie27 (3:46:59 PM): you're welcome alfredo
FrankwhitesS (3:47:47 PM): Baby what can i do to make things better ?
FrankwhitesS (3:48:27 PM): Wow , so it's like that ? Ok babe .
Batchie27 (3:49:27 PM): i don't know baby... i don't know what to say... i keep sayin the same things over and over again... and nothing i say will work
Batchie27 (3:50:21 PM): im fed up im not gonna tell you how to make it up to me you gotta figure that out on your own
Batchie27 (3:50:39 PM): maybe you don't want to make it up to me... you SAY you do but you never make an effort to
Batchie27 (3:51:40 PM): all i know is that I shouldn't have to WAIT for love... i might die in my sleep and so can you... why you can't just fuckin love me

btw the book thing he said in the beginning.. he got this book about how to fix a relationship.... and when he told me about it he was like "it helps you mold your partner so you can see the light that i see" i was like MOLD ME.........???????????? mold me..... nuff said i'm reading your mind right now courtney.....